Chinese girl: I just think it would be a little weird.
Jewish girl: Why?
Chinese girl: ‘Cause I’m not Jewish.
Jewish girl: What are you talking about? You’re Chinese. That’s practically Jewish.
Chinese girl: …True.


Sassy eight‐year‐old to mother: You don’t know Spanish except what you learned from Selena.

–2 Train

Chick on cell: Watching 27 Dresses in a cheetah robe…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Virginia

Little boy, as his mother asks for directions: Great, we’re lost in New York City. It’s like Home Alone!

–Across from Spamalot Theatre

Fag to hag: Don’t you remember that time on Titanic when Leonardo DiCaprio told you not to just talk about it, but do it? He was gonna teach you how to spit like a man and ride a horse like a man, and then the ship sank and he died. This is your moment. Spit, woman, spit!

–Natural History Museum

(at a screening of The Shining)
Woman: Haha! How can a ghost open a door? This movie sucks!

–Empire‐Fulton Ferry State Park

Thug to another: And she said she wanna go to the movies. And I said I don’t wanna go to the movies, I want some pussy!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: JPM

Panhandler on train: Please, I can’t afford the rent at the YMCA because they just raised it. So if anyone has some money or some food or something to drink, it would really help me out. Jesus loves people who help poor people. Also, don’t forget to see the new summer blockbuster Hellboy II. It’s really great.

–F Train

Overheard by: JB

Observant girl, pointing at something on the sidewalk: Is that an animal?
Downright perceptive guy: No. That’s a pair of pants.

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Peter Horan

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

Old Jewish lady #1: That’s a gorgeous ring. What is that, 5 carats?
Old Jewish lady #2: Yes. I’m going to give it to my granddaughter when she turns 16. Maybe 18. As long as I know she’s still a virgin.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Stephanie

21‐year‐old Jewish guy #1: Is Jesus a saint?
Male Christian friend: He’s Jesus. He’s, like, the president of the saints.
21‐year‐old Jewish guy #1: Then who’s the treasurer?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Probably whoever the patron saint of money is, huh?
21‐year‐old Jewish guy #1: And what about the secretary?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, probably the patron saint of note takers.
Female Christian friend: I’m pretty sure it’s not really organized like that.

–Grace Church, 11th & Broadway

Overheard by: patron saint of laughing your ass off

Chinese coworker: Hey, you’re wearing makeup today!
Jewish coworker: Yeah, I had a little extra time this morning.
Chinese coworker: But I thought Jewish people couldn’t wear makeup?
Jewish coworker: Huh!?

–Office Building, 26th & 11th

Jewish guy: Fat Jewish girls love Tasti D‑Lite.
Jewish girl: So do Jewish guys.
Jewish guy: That’s because I’m trying to find a wife.

–3rd St & 92nd Ave

God squad guy: Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way, take a prayer book because Jesus is the way!
Man: Look, buddy, it’s New York. We’re all Jewish in one way or another. Try Jersey. 

–Union Square West

Overheard by: CW 

Drunk girl #1: So I think I am going to go as something I totally hate for Halloween.
Drunk girl #2: What are you going as?
Drunk girl #1: I think I am either going as a Jew or a Chinese person
or a tourist.
Drunk girl #2: Hey, you know I am Jewish, don’t you?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t care, I am definitely going as a Jew.
Drunk girl #2: Shots?

–37th & 3rd

Overheard by: Brian McCormick