Son: I was so angry with him — he could have got me arrested!
Hippie dad: What’s wrong with getting arrested? [Sighs. Then, to himself] I just can’t stand my son being so fucking bourgeois any longer.
–West Village
Son: I was so angry with him — he could have got me arrested!
Hippie dad: What’s wrong with getting arrested? [Sighs. Then, to himself] I just can’t stand my son being so fucking bourgeois any longer.
–West Village
Lady to kids: Which one of you walked on the fucking goddamn floor?!
Kid: Do you think we can fly, bitch? Of course we walked on the fucking floor!
Lady: I just fucking waxed the floor! Stop walking on the fucking floors!
–East Tremont, Bronx
Overheard by: Tydestra
Columbia dude to Columbia chick: I’m trying to figure out what the hell God wants me to be. He either wants me to be a doctor or a lawyer — I can’t decide.
–Nussbaum and Wu Bakery and Cafe, 112th & Broadway
Five-year-old girl watching a dog go through airport security: Oh, please God, pleeease don’t let it die!
–JFK
Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, I understand. I’ll see you another time [hangs up]. Yes! I don’t have to go out tonight — his grandma died! There is a god! I’m going home to go to bed.
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: andrea
Woman: I don’t got no PhD — my degree is from God.
–19th & Broadway
Little girl pointing to a poster of The Phantom of the Opera: Look, Mommy! The Mask!
Mom: No, sweetheart, that’s The Phantom of the Opera. Mask is a movie with Cher.
–Trader Joe’s
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Chick: …And then when the naked girl got in the balloon I was so scared I thought I would die!
–1 train
Overheard by: Michael Schiano
Dude: It’s like, as soon as you step into a room and take off your pants, all hell breaks loose!
–Allen & Stanton
Overheard by: Griffin
Dude: I swear, like, everyone on this block has seen me naked.
–Outside Rubin Hall, NYU
Overheard by: Josh
Little girl: Look! The nakeds! They’re naked!
–Greek sculpture wing, the Met
Chick on cell: I mean, if I’m going to send my friends footage of me doing topless jumping jacks, I want it to be remembered.
–Harlem
Suit on cell: You wanna know why we’re not friends anymore? Remember the last time you came to my house? I came out of the bathroom and there you were, stretched out on my sofa, naked, playing with your dick. What the fuck was that all about?
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Doctor to patient: Sir, I am going to prescribe you two things — some burn cream for, well, you know, and some advice: try not to cook without your pants on.
–Beth Israel Hospital Emergency Room
Little girl: I want Santa to get me a Bratz doll for Christmas!
Mother: Yeah? Which one?
Little girl: The one that looks like me.
Mother, mumbling: Honey, you don’t look like a five-dollar crack whore.
Little girl: What?
Mother: Nothing.
–Toys “R” Us, Times Square
Tourist kid to his brother: Shut up. There’s no such thing as a male anorexic. Right? And I’m not one of them.
–JetBlue Terminal, JFK
Overheard by: frequent flier
Eighth grader #1: Dumbledore is dead!
Eighth grader #2: Do you know how cool Dumbledore is? Cool people like that do not die.
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: nj
