Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.
–Red Lobster, Times Square
Overheard by: Lynne & Craig
Employee: What kind of bagel did you want?
Guy: Poppyseed.
Employee: Oh, we don’t have poppyseed. We have plain, everything, and cinnamon raisin.
Guy: Everything. I just need the opiates.
–alt.coffee, 9th & A
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: We’ll have unaju. I think unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.
Obnoxious white laywer to the Japanese sushi chef: We’ll have unaju. Is it true that unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river?
Japanese sushi chef nods politely.
Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: Did you hear that? Unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.
–Shimizu, W 51st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Asian American couple who had to deal with this all night long
Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Probably longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well actually, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had money. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to being better than all of us.
–Wall & Water
Man on a park bench #1: Betcha never seen a dandelion turn from yellow to white. Even catch one half-way in between.
Man on a park bench #2: Betcha ain’t never seen no baby pigeons. Ain’t noboby never seen no baby pigeons. See all them big fat ones? Where’s the babies at?
–Central Park
Girl: Wow, last night I was so drunk. I can’t believe that I got so
wasted off only a pint of gin. In first year I could drink like twice that amount and party all night.
Guy: So you were hardcore then?
Girl: Naw, I wasn’t hardcore, I was just an idiot.
–NYU A bus
Guy: Have you ever drank the worm?
Girl: Oh, hell yeah. And that’s hardcore ’cause I’m a vegetarian.
–McCabe’s Liquor Store, 3rd Avenue
Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: bebe
Teen boy: Yo, I got the munchies, B…Yo, what happened to the guys with candy and shit? Shit was mad convenient.
–1 train
Overheard by: I. J. Meyers
Suit #1: That was a pretty good meeting…
Suit #2: Yeah, we got a lot done.
Hobo: Was Liam Neeson in it?
–51st & Madison
Overheard by: BDA
Woman: Hi, do you have any meatloaf?…Um, that’s not meatloaf.
Store lady: It’s almost the same.
Woman: Not really…Do you have any meatloaf?
Server lady: It’s the same thing. It’s beef. It all tastes the same.
Woman: Yeah, okay. I’ll take three.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Grace Aldridge
