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Hubby: That woman just grabbed my ass!
Wifey: Yeah, you wish.
–Outside the Hard Rock, W 57th St.
Overheard by: Ron Marler
Engineer: Unlike you, I am not always thinking about cock!
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Randy Locklair
Blonde Teen: No. Like it’s hairy. Like really hairy. Like I-have-to-trim-it hairy.
–3rd Ave & 11th St.
Overheard by: D O double
Drunk girl: How much is a Miller Light tall boy?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.50?
Beer vendor: $3.
Drunk girl: How about $2.75 and my phone number?
Drunk girl gives beer vendor cell phone number.
Beer vendor: $3.
–Penn Station, LIRR
Overheard by: LC
Headline by: Anna-Liza
Runners-Up:
· “Your Jedi Mind Tricks Don’t Work While Drunk” – Anna Nio
· “‘Mommy, How Did You and Daddy Meet?'” – Becca
· “But in Syosset, I’m Beautiful” – Anastasia Beaverhausen
Honorable Mentions:
· “Losing Her Dignity for a Miller Light: Priceless” – mellamaphone
· “Ah, the Reflexive Property of Beer” – Mikey G
· “In his Defense, He Advertises ‘Cold and Frosty'” – Mike T
· “Yeah, I Tried that Line with the Laundry Machine Yesterday” – jumanji
· “C’mon! My Number Really Is 867-5309.” – will manning
Girl #1: Where was Liz last night?
Girl #2: Oh, you didn’t hear?
Girl #1: Hear what?
Girl #2: She went to her boyfriend’s grandmother’s 82nd birthday!
Girl #1: Oh, that’s sweet. Why are you so upset by that?
Girl #2: Her boyfriend’s grandmother died four years ago! Apparently the family has been celebrating it every year! They have a cake with candles and everything.
–16th & 7th
Little girl: I have those shoes!
Queer: Oh my God! Get out of my town! That’s so cool!
–14th street A/C/E station
Teen boy #1: I want to get a soda but my dollar bill is ripped.
Teen boy #2: Nah chief, it’s okay; you didn’t rip the bar code.
–New Balance Track & Field Center, Washington Heights
Overheard by: bill kearns
Lady: Oh, Coca-Cola! I guess you don’t have gastrointeritis!
Girl: Uh, actually I was going to use it to cook.
Checkout guy: Yeah, you can cook with Coke. You don’t have to just drink it.
–Jefferson Market, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Nicole J
Man, pointing at window display: That’ll make a nice gift for the wife: a pair of underwear that say “SALE” across the ass. Classy.
–Outside Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square
Overheard by: sean
Hipster chick: Quite frankly I’d rather wash all my bras tonight.
–F train
Overheard by: braincurve
Woman to five elderly ladies: All right, ladies, put your underwear on and let’s go.
–L&B Spumoni Gardens, 86th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Chick on cell: So how long did it take the four of you to find your bra the next morning?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Jess is hot.
Girl on cell: I am so not letting my underwear go on a date with his underwear.
–Prince & Broadway
Chick: Omigod, look, it’s a moose! It’s like, a moose rampant.
Guy: Where? Dude, that’s a rhino.
Chick: No, the moose is next to it.
Guy: It doesn’t look like a moose. It looks like a buck.
Chick: Well, whether it’s a buck or a moose, there should not be a
rhino in that forest.
Guy: Agreed.
Chick: Oh man, now they’re raving!
Bag lady: Excuse me, you got any change?
–125 Street Metro-North station
