Guy: I’o’really mess with Queens, or people from Queens. [pause] 130th Street and 5th Ave, that shit is mad weird! You ever been to his house! That shit is mad white! You never gonna get in a fight there. [pause] Who eats ketchup — by is’self?
–Puebla Mexican Food & Coffee Shop, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: C-Dub
Man: If you wanna have lunch, you’ve got to have lunch here, whether it’s Chinese or Subway.
–Canal St
Overheard by: Aahlixx
Little boy: Does all Chinese food come from Chinatown?
–Williamsburg
Woman: It’s like listening to an Arab speaking Spanish talking about the Chinese.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bluto
Tourist: The Chinese are notorious for blurring the line between pet and soup.
–Chinatown
Queen picking up delivery: Damn, I hate dealing with these Chinese people, they never be understanding English good!
–Fordham dorms, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: I don’t understand you either
Ghetto guy: Sushi is real Chinese food.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: John Wu
Hipster Chinese girl on cell: Americans have too much freedom. Yes, too much freedom.
–52nd & Madison
Teen girl #1:The guy with the blond hair, is he English?
Teen girl #2: No, he’s Jewish.
Teen girl #1: I hate Halloween.
–CVS, 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: johnozed
Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!
–New York Public Library
Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.
–IKEA, Elizabeth
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!
–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd
Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Jack Lienke
Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?
–49th & 9th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck?
–Starbucks, Grand Central
Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?
Bus Tour ticket lady: Where are you from?
Woman: Italy.
Bus Tour ticket lady: OK, let me go get the guy that speaks French
then.
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: KJ
White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African.
–39th & 3rd
Girl: So I swept everything into a pile and I walked away for like, a second, and when I come back this little Mexican girl and her mom are seriously dancing in this pile of garbage and totally fucking up my sweeping. Why would anyone do that?!
Guy: Dude, they were Mexican. Garbage is like water to them.
–Urban Outfitters
White chick to black chick: That’s a cute bag. It would be, if it were real.
Black chick: Bitch, it ain’t fake, it’s stolen!
–14th & 8th
Girl #1: I love a little ethnicity…in the penis!
Girl #2: Totally, I heart the foreigners. The best I’ve ever had was a Frenchie.
Drunk guy: What? Hold on. You fucked a scrunchie?
–Houston & A
Black teen girl #1: Ashley is pissing me off. Do you know what she wants me to do this weekend?
Black teen girl #2: No, what?
Black teen girl #1: Pick apples!
Black teen girl #2: Is she white?
Black teen girl #1: No, that’s what pisses me off, she’s black!
Black teen girl #2: Shit, I don’t know about apple picking, but this weekend, I’m gonna do some jerk chicken pickin’!
–A train to Manhattan
Overheard by: Johnny Appleseed
