Multiculturalism, Overheard Style

Wednesday One-Liners Still Celebrate Columbus Day

Jersey lady pointing at a French bulldog: Look at this face! He’s adorable! He looks Italian!

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: sara n.

College chick: You were born in Italy? That’s awesome… Speak some Italy for me. Wait, that’s what you speak, right?

–Classroom

Drunk yelling at a pizza shop: Who the fuck are you? You’re fucking Mexican! You’re not Italian! I’m Italian!! I make the fucking pizzas in this town!

–Bedford and N 7th St

Overheard by: Actually I’m from Equador

Guy: I feel like I’m at a dry-cleaning convention that is being shaken down by the mob.

–Korean-Italian wedding

Overheard by: Retarded Quarterback

Old lady with a cane: My father is Jewish and my mother is Italian, and I am in therapy.

–Lower Manhattan

Well, I Was Just Saying, ‘I Wish’!

Drunk girl #1: I wish Colette* would speak French to us.
Drunk girl #2: That would be, like, so awesome!
Drunk girl #3: Colette doesn’t speak French! Doesn’t she speak, like, Puerto Rican?

–Fordham University Ram Van

Overheard by: Ali McE

He’s Talking about His Generation

Man in Who shirt: Whoa! I didn’t see that shirt! That’s a cool one!
Man with French accent: Oh, yeah, I got this one at the show in France.
Man in Who shirt: Were they screaming as loud as we were tonight?
Man with French accent: No, we put our hands over our heads and snap our fingers and say ‘Ooh-la-la.’
His wife: What’d you have to do that for? You don’t have to fuck around with everyone on the street!
Man with French accent, now speaking in Brooklyn accent: What’s the fun of wearing a fake, five-dollar Chinatown Who shirt if I’m not gonna make fun of those assholes in the process?

–Pizza shop outside MSG after the Who show

I Can’t Make Hotel Reservations, But I Can Score Like a Native

Chick #1: When I was in school I failed Spanish, even though I am Puerto Rican.
Chick #2: My husband taught me Spanish. He was Italian but learned it from selling drugs with the Dominicans.

–B61 bus

Overheard by: Pepe

Hotter than Hot

Girl #1: So, was he at least hot?
Girl #2: No! He was Chinese!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Andrea

Wednesday One-Liners Hate Everybody Equally

Girl on cell: I’m in this ethnography class. And I thought it would be, like, really easy, but there’s all this vocab — they use language in this different way that I’m not used to. So I said something, and this girl repeated it and made me look really bad. Well, we were talking about race, you know? And I just said that every race has their specialties, right? But now everyone in the class thinks I’m racist… Who knows?!

–Washington Square

Gilchrist, founder of the Minutemen, moments before students stormed the stage: What did you say? I don’t speak Mexican.

–Columbia University

Bouncer talking to people in front of Webster Hall: First, I have been nothing but a gentleman in talking to you. Your racial bullshit is not needed here. Second, I am a spic, not a nigger. If you’re gonna insult me, get it right.

–11th St between 3rd & 4th Ave

Overheard by: AJ

Black crackhead: Spare some change, Miss? I’ve been asking the niggers, but they don’t give me shit.

–Broadway & 11th St

Overheard by: Miss I Am Not a Nigger

Model wannabe: You should forget about him, he’s just a racist spic.

–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Crash

Black girl: That was the most racist, sexist movie I have ever seen, and I loved it!

–Kaufman Theaters, Astoria

Overheard by: A White Guy

I’m Proud to Be a Wednesday One-Liner

Homeless guy: I got a sore on my left foot! Look at it! That’s what comes from being in America!

–Beth Israel Emergency Room, 18th & 1st

Doorman: So I looked her straight in the face and I said, ‘Listen, you’re in America now.’

–Mandarin Oriental Hotel, Columbus Circle

Yasser Arafat look-alike: If she’s naked, don’t go in there; I know how these goddamn American girls are.

–Bedford St & W 4th

Overheard by: Birthday Boy

Woman in exaggerated Latin accent: Run, run, American people! Run before you miss the train!

–Uptown 6 train, Wall St station

Overheard by: gay among hardhats

Guy: It’s an old American name, like in the Bible.

–A train arriving at 59th St

Overheard by: IanM

Park Avenue woman, upset because cashier didn’t have quarters: I have every right to be nasty! I’m an American! I’m a fucking New Yorker!

–23rd & Park

Spanish hipster tourist: Americans are the worst!

–Apple store, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

His Translation Captures the Spirit of the Original

Chinese girl: [in Chinese] Your luck just ran out.
Black girl: What the fuck did she say?
Chinese passerby: You are fucked.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ting

Wednesday One-Liners Miscegenate Whenever Possible

Deranged woman to tranny friend: I am not a white woman. I do not take the yolk out of my eggs!

–14th St

Overheard by: Melanie from Queens

Homeless woman to white man holding white girlfriend’s hand: You fucking Indian faggot!

–Court St & Dean St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Adam

White girl: He’s my favorite person in my building, because he’s ethnic.

–F train

Overheard by: djingo

Man staring at ‘Exit’ and ‘Salida’ signs on separate emergency doors: Huh, I wonder if Caucasians are supposed to exit right and Hispanics are supposed to exit left…

–Flight from NYC to Houston

Guy: I love it when Asians get high, because you can’t tell.

–Pace University

Overheard by: Pants

40-something Asian lady to daughter: No, it was not mixed race — He was pure Vulcan!

–Green St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Heather Letzkus

Pretentious young woman on New York neighborhoods: It’s all pretty homogenous up around Central Park. Well, I mean, up by 107th street you’ll find some black kids on skateboards.

–R train

Overheard by: BrooklynDodgy

No, Universal Affirmatives Can Only Be Partially Converted

Black kid, pointing to a Hasidic Jewish man: Yo, check out the Amish dude!
Mother: He ain’t Amish, they wear straw hats.
Black kid: But he’s got a beard. Amish guys got beards. So he’s Amish.

–Uptown 4 train

Overheard by: jewish girl

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