Murray Hill and Gramercy

NY’s Homeless Speak on the Issues

A hobo stumbles into the store, yelling things and making everyone uncomfortable. Suddenly, he stumbles upon the rack with copies of the New York Times, an image of Iraq on the front page. He stares in silence for a moment, and says: You think it’s bad being homeless? Imagine being in Fallujah!

–Starbucks, 59 St. & 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Andrea

Two hobos are drinking malt liquor from paper bags. Hobo #1 shakes his head in dismay: …I tell you, I tell you–that’s why they’ll [sic] never be peace in the Middle East.

–29th St. & 2nd Ave.

Overheard by: Tricia Karsay

“Then we had New Year’s in March.”

Guy: I’ve been to Germany twice because I have a friend who’s from there. I went to Oktoberfest, but it was in June.
Hans: They had Oktoberfest in June? It must have been just for you…American tourists.

–25th St. & 3rd Ave.

See, We’re Not So Unlike the Midwest in NY!

Woman: That’s where I got that crappy muffin. I can’t believe they serve muffins with no sugar. The only source of sucrose was in the blueberry. And there was only one blueberry!

–21st & 5th

Overheard by: TG

In Person, Miley and Billy Ray Are Pretty Much What You'd Expect.

Guy, on Nextel: Hey, honey.
Girl, on other end of Nextel: Dad, I'm pissed! I think he's cheating on me.
Guy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Cause my vagina is itchy and red.
Guy: Well, maybe you should go get checked.
Girl: But dad, what should I do?
Guy: Honey, let me call you back, I'm about to pay the cashier… call you in a little.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: OZoNE

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew

In the Movies, Their Spouses Would Run Away Together

Woman in dress, after smooching with guy: But how?
Guy: Don't worry baby, I already told about you to my wife.
Woman in dress: Aww, baby…

–31st St & Broadway

Says He Wants to Have My Baby

Girl #1: But I secretly like when guys check me out.
Girl #2: What about Steven*?
Girl #1: Oh yeah… He's like a lesbian, who knows.

–Hunter College

Technically, It Was a Crackhead Baby.

Cute blond girl, hearing loud scream: What kid is throwing a temper tantrum? Jesus!
Boyfriend: No, that's just a crackhead.
Cute blond girl: Oh.

–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Noelle

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!

–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Spacedog ears

Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday

Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!

–L Train

Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit

Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: jennifer tobias

Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Now, Just to Be Clear, Would That Train Take Me to Funkytown?

Young lady suit #1, about old lady suit screaming insanely on phone: You hear her? Yeah, she's… She's on the wrong track, I think. She might actually be getting on the crazy train soon.
Young lady suit #2: Yeah, the crazy train.
Young lady suit #1: She's going to take the crazy train all the way to crazy town. I bet it's a magic town.
Young lady suit #2: Sure, it's magic.
Young lady suit #1: A magic town. You'd need a special train to get there. It must be the Hogwarts express.
Young lady suit #2: I think I'll take your calls today.
Young lady suit #1: I'll see you on the platform.

–27th St & Park Ave

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