Woman: And you know what’s worse?
Man: What?
Woman: All the demons are male. Always. I mean, how unfair is that? It’s fucking retarded.
–B75 bus
Woman: And you know what’s worse?
Man: What?
Woman: All the demons are male. Always. I mean, how unfair is that? It’s fucking retarded.
–B75 bus
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Man on cell: I have to go to Bangkok — I’m getting a plane out tomorrow. Wait, what day is it today? I’m going Tuesday.
Couple nearby: It’s the 19th, a Tuesday.
Man on cell: Is it? I have no sense of time anymore without my computer. Everything is on my computer. Well, I guess I’m leaving Thursday then.
–M1 bus
Overheard by: Coulda sworn it was Monday.
Chick #1: When I was in school I failed Spanish, even though I am Puerto Rican.
Chick #2: My husband taught me Spanish. He was Italian but learned it from selling drugs with the Dominicans.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: Pepe
Ditzy tween: Wait, what? Isn’t your dad in prison?
Friend: Um… No…
Ditzy tween: Isn’t that what you told me? Or maybe it was your uncle?
Friend: Nobody I know is in prison.
–Bus
Overheard by: if i had a nickle…
Kindergarten girl #1: Wow! Look at all those big trophies!
Kindergarten girl #2: Those ain’t trophies. There’s dead people there. Yeah, you know — you go to church, you pray, and they put the dead person in the box, and they put the box in there. Don’t you go to church?
–On school bus passing a cemetery, Queens
Yuppie mother: Now, what do you want for dinner? Do you want pizza and edamame?
Kid: Hot dog!
Yuppie mother: Well, how about some baked tofu?
Kid: Hot dog!
Yuppie mother: Or maybe some pesto pasta?
Kid: Hot dog!
–M14 bus
Overheard by: eye-rolling art student
Ghetto kid #1: Yo, Cam’ron be doin’ some gay shit!
Ghetto kid #2: Nah, but he always calls ‘no homo’ so it’s aight.
Ghetto kid #1: So if Cam’ron asked you to suck his dick ‘no homo,’ would you?
Ghetto kid #2: Well, if he called ‘no homo…’
–B9 bus, Ave M
Old lady #1: Oooh, I’m so cold on this bus! That’s why I have to wear this sweatshirt.
Old lady #2: Well, I just wanna know when my heatwave’s gonna end. I’m going through the changes.
— B61 bus
Hobo: I need you to stop here. I need to get off and wash my pants. There has been a sexual release in my pants!
–Lenox Ave bus
Headline by: Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s Why I Was Late” – chronically tardy
· “Bussed a Nut – Crosstown Excitement Goes A Block Too Far” – Matt G.
· “Dishonorable Discharge” – Jim C.
· “Economically and socially disenfranchized people say the darndest things” – Emma
· “MTA’s new “Request-a-Stop” and handjob feature” – Jobee
· “Marvin Gaye’s retarded half-brother” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “Meanwhile, at the auditions for ‘Speed III'” – shawn doney
· “Milton Misses Yet Another Meeting of Premature Ejaculators Anonymous” – Tom Ediger
· “Never ask a hobo if he’s coming or going.” – LadyP
· “Premature embarkation” – mdub
· “Second Thought, Let’s Go For Two” – Martin Frazee
· “Senator Foley just isn’t the same when he’s not IMing” – oye
· “The Man On The Bus Goes Rub, Rub, Ooops…” – Sam Nassar
· “Why the 6 is never on schedule” – Rionn Fears Malechem
