English exchange student: I like New York, but it has just been so cold!
Local student: This is nothing. Where I’m from in Minnesota it’s been 15 below.
English exchange student: Wow! You must not have much of a homeless problem there — they all just die!
–Downtown M4 bus
Little boy #1: I wish dinosaurs lived in Central Park.
Little boy #2: Dinosaurs aren’t real — they’re from the TV.
Little boy #3: Dinosaurs are real, they just live on other planets.
Little boy #2: Like Pluto!
Little boy #1: Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. The scientists blowed it up.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: pluto is still a planet to me
Driver: Some people want to go to work, some people want to go home, some people want to go into your pockets… Watch for pickpockets.
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Katia
Bus driver: This is the express bus to Boston. We’ll arrive at 10:00, 10:30, whichever is earlier.
–Port Authority bus terminal
Bus driver: Happy New Year’s everyone. This is the New Year’s bus. I hope someone is looking over my roasted pork chops in the oven back there. I got some collard greens and potatoes cookin’ as well. Let’s get this bus movin’.
–101 bus, 68th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sashanyc
Bus driver who wouldn’t let anyone pay to get on, claiming she’d won the lottery: Nice day today, huh? Y’all wanna go to the beach? Bring a blanket? Three p.m. — meet me at a secret location. MTA going your way! They won’t mind if I take it for a few hours. Madison is next.
–M79 bus, 79th & 5th
Overheard by: mar
Bus driver to boarding passengers: If you have a name that starts with a letter, move to the back of the bus.
–86th St crosstown bus
Overheard by: Hannah Rose
Tourist mom: Ohhh! Look, dear! A fire escape!
Tourist child: Oh, where? Where?
Tourist mom: See? That balcony with the ladders…
Tourist child: But how do they get down?
Tourist mom: I think that ladder on the side slides down.
Tourist child: Oh, wow. It is just like in the movies!
–Ferry bus, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: A tourist who knows better
High schooler #1: I want to give up something for Lent, but I’m not sure what.
High schooler #2: Why don’t you give up TV?
High schooler #1: What?! Are you crazy? I would just die! Especially in the winter months — my face would just melt off.
–BX10 bus, Bronx
Overheard by: Princessbeena
Male passenger: Man, come on, move the bus! There’s a fucking war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses! There’s a war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses!
Female passenger: What, to get there?
–Q76 bus
Overheard by: Samn
Angry lady pushing frantically on back door: Open the fucking back door, goddammit!
Helpful guy #1: Hey! Back door!
Helpful guy #2: We’re not at the bus stop yet — this is a red light.
Angry lady pushing frantically on back door: Was I talking to you, bitch?
Helpful guy #2: Back door!
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Beeeej
Man: Spanish?
Girl: Not in the mood.
Man: Itaaalian?
Girl: Nooot in the mood.
Man: French?
Girl: [Silence.]Man: You ever been with a black guy?
–Bus
Overheard by: Jesse
Woman: And you know what’s worse?
Man: What?
Woman: All the demons are male. Always. I mean, how unfair is that? It’s fucking retarded.
–B75 bus
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
