Girl: Where’s the bathroom?
She tries to open the door to the conductor’s box.
Girl: Who’s in there? I have to use the bathroom!
–1 train uptown
Overheard by: jonathan renshon
Girl: Where’s the bathroom?
She tries to open the door to the conductor’s box.
Girl: Who’s in there? I have to use the bathroom!
–1 train uptown
Overheard by: jonathan renshon
Guy #1: I really think African Americans are bipolar. They all seem to have high self esteem, are hyperactive all the time, and are easily irritable.
Guy #2: Shut up nigga. You know I’m better than those cats.
Guy #1: And they can never hear themselves talking.
–F train
Conductor: Okay, okay…all you white people get off the train here. That’s right, hippies and hipsters. If you under thirty-five and white, you don’t want to stay on this train no mo’. The next stop will be the ghet-to!
–Flatbush-bound 2 express train at Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: chagrined hipster
Hobo lady with piercing tone walking the length of the subway car: I’m so hungry. I’m so hungry, can somebody give me some food? I’m so hungry. [pause] Nobody cares. Nobody cares, you all don’t care. You are all selfish. Nobody cares.
She has reached the end of the subway car as it approaches City Hall.
Hobo lady to quiet plump lady: Honey, you need to get your roots done. Your hair is ugly.
Hobo lady leaves the car.
–R train between Rector & City Hall
Overheard by: Kathryn
Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you —
Girl #2: I know what you’re about to ask, and the answer is “my 17th birthday” again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?
–R train
Girl on cell: I feel so dirty…He rubbed oil all over my body. He’s short, but he has blue eyes…so hot…I’d let him crawl all over me!
–Hoboken PATH
Old blind woman singing for money in the train: I’ll rub hot oil all over your body … and God bless the child, that’s got his own, that’s got his own.
–F train downtown
Hobo lady: I been pussy fucked; I been ass fucked; I been titty fucked–and that was fun–but there ain’t no love like the love of Jesus.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Ben Beckley
Middle-aged Latino woman to younger black woman: Listen, I got rights, ok? I mean I’ll do the time for it, I don’t care. On this train you gotta give people respect, ’cause everyone’s a person. You give ’em respect, then you punch ’em.
–M train
Twentysomething girl on cell: Because I beat the crap out of him, that’s why I got fired.
–Continental Ave & Austin St, Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sean Finnerty
Getting on the crowded E at rush hour, a couple from Long Island forces into the train as the doors are closing.
Long Island woman: Come on people, make some room. [To companion] Can you imagine what it’s like in that city in Asia, in China I think, what’s it called?
Long Island dude: Japan?
Long Island woman: Yeah, Japan, that’s the city! They push you into the cars there!
Random suit: You mean like you just pushed all of us?!
–5th Ave E station
Overheard by: Greg the E train rider
Girl #1: Uh, so what’s with these black lights in the tunnels? Are they doing construction? I feel like I’m in a club or something!
Girl #2: Sweetie, that’s daylight.
Girl #1: Oh. But the buildings are glowing!
–1 Train approaching 125th
Overheard by: Melissa Coppola
Hot mom: That’s because older people get yellow teeth. Daddy is eleven years older than Mommy. And Mommy has very white teeth.
Little girl: Why are they yellow then?
Hot mom: Where?
Little girl: At the top.
–1 train
Overheard by: super-c
