One-liners

Crazy guy: It’s the anniversary of the blue angora sweater!

–Pratt Library, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Tara Topaz

Guy: …and they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn’t the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called “There’s a Baby on the Way” and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I’d written a song “There’s a Baby on the Way” and that I’d written it June 10th. And she’s like, “That‘s the day we found out.” And my other friends in LA, they’d been trying and I played them the song and sure enough…

–Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd

Teen girl: …You know they didn’t have guns back then…But if they did, Jesus would have shot them niggas.

–Williamsburg

Queer: What’s missionary?
Chick: Like regular.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Guy: Imagine living in the Midwest where there is no happiness.

–Metro-North train

Blind man: Come on, follow me.

–Woodlawn

Chick on cell: Mother! That duvet situation is a complete nightmare!

–59th & Madison

Guy: I really hate the concept of Starbucks, but they really have the best product.

–85th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Hobo: Spare some change? Have any change to spare? Anyone? What, are you all playing communists tonight?

–Union Square

Overheard by: sevenphonecalls