Wednesday One-liners Are Ready for Valentine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: rDave

Posted on February 8, 2006
Getting Off, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, People, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Teens, Trains Not Subway, White People

Wednesday One-liners Could Use a Scrubbing

Vendor guy: I got so much dirt under my nails, you’d think I was a crackhead.

–Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Black Girl Superstar

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Suits, Thugs, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-liners for Fashion Week

Crazy guy: It’s the anniversary of the blue angora sweater!

–Pratt Library, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Tara Topaz

Posted on February 8, 2006
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Manhattan, One-liners, People, Stupidity

Wednesday One-liners Press the Fontanelle

Guy: …and they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while. Like two years. And I just, I thought she had so much anxiety and that wasn’t the right atmosphere to conceive. And so, I wrote them a song called “There’s a Baby on the Way” and a few months later the whole family was together and they announced they were pregnant. And I told them that I’d written a song “There’s a Baby on the Way” and that I’d written it June 10th. And she’s like, “That‘s the day we found out.” And my other friends in LA, they’d been trying and I played them the song and sure enough…

–Eat Gourmet Foods, Madison Avenue

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, On the Bus, One-liners, People, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Wednesday One-liners Could Use Some Color

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd