Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marc Mitchell
Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Marc Mitchell
Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Maddog
Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.
–4 train
Overheard by: Jen McC.
Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!
–52nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jess
Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.
–PATH train
Overheard by: Everett Moran
Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.
–Q60 bus
Overheard by: Ben
Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.
–53rd & Park
Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Melissa Cole
Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.
–Bank & Bleecker
Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.
–5th Avenue-53rd Street station
Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa
Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?
–N train
Overheard by: Zelda
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.
–4 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.
–6 train
Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!
–6 train
Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Brian Graham
Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!
–R train
Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker
Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest.
–F train
Chick: Every time Todd talks to a girl he thinks he’s on a date.
–9th Street between 1st & 2nd
Queer: Hey, the red is looking really good on you. That’s gonna be the next color of my living room walls, like God had a nosebleed!
–Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Queer: You know who I feel really bad for? Really ugly people.
–Mug’z Sports Bar, Belmont
Teen girl: Now what she needs is a razor dildo.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Alissa R.
Daily News guy: Osama Bin Laden in New York! Let’s get him! Saddam Hussein has escaped!
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Marlon Disla
Old lady: Where’s the yellow incense for the dead people?
–Titan Foods, LIC
Overheard by: Evan C. Kirchmer
Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.
–F train
Overheard by: Lee
