Oh, These Guys Would Respect You Like Crazy

Asian yuppie: I’m so tired of his bullshit. I’m done. Like seriously. Who the fuck tells his ex: “Hey, I’m going to ask this chick out, you think it’s a good idea?” That bastard!
White yuppie: Wow, no respect at all.
Asian yuppie: I know.
White yuppie: We should go out for drinks, I know a lot of guy friends who would do anything to have sex with you.
Asian yuppie: I don’t need to get laid…
White yuppie: Blasphemy!
Asian yuppie: Ok. You’re right, maybe I do need to get laid.

–Grand Central Station

Posted on June 30, 2015
Advice, Asians, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Insults, Questions, Relationships, White People, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

As If She Gives a Fuck What Coloreds Say

Girl from upstate New York: So are there a lot of colored people in Connecticut?

Long pause.

Black girl: We say black people now.

–FIT

Overheard by: LL

Posted on June 30, 2015
Black People, College, Girls, Questions, Race, U.S. Geography, Words

Finally, a Phrase Everyone Can Use!

Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky.

–Soho

Overheard by: Daniel Scott

Posted on June 30, 2015
Backdoor, Gays and Lesbians, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Scents of the City, Smoking, Soho, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It's Never Come Up

Girl #1: He's a really great guy, and even if he can't help you, he's cute and has the most charming Irish accent…
Girl #2: Okay, but does he speak English?

–Hudson & Leonard

Posted on June 29, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Languages, Questions, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Your Editors' Heads Hurt

Redneck couple #1, looking at clocks: Look, honey, Chicago's an hour behind us. Why's that?
Redneck couple #2: That's because they don't celebrate daylight savings time.

–Times Square

Posted on June 28, 2015
Couples, Questions, Rednecks, Time, Times Square

Everyone from New York to Illinois

Little boy looking on ground while holding toy: Have you seen the golden screw?
Nanny: Oh honey, we’re all looking for that.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Let me know when you find it

Posted on June 28, 2015
Boys, Central Park, Default, Kids, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Oh Deer

Girl #1: A fawn is an animal? I was just guessing.
Girl #2: Yeah, it's a small deer, like Bambi.
Girl #1: Bambi was a fawn?! I thought he was a cantaloupe!
Girl #2: You mean an “antelope”!

–Union Square Food Emporium

Posted on June 27, 2015
Animals & Nature, Disney, Girls, Grocery Stores, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

Even Coffee If You Must

Architecture professor: You're all nodding off. Go splash some water on your face. Methamphetamines… Go out in the hall. Have any of you tried methamphetamines?
Class: No.
Architecture professor: No? How about heroin?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Posted on June 27, 2015
College, Health and Hygiene, Heroin, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Questions