Woman: I can’t tell Matt Dillon and his brother apart.
Man: I know! I thought it was Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Woman: It is Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Man: No, it’s his brother!
Woman: Nooo, it’s Matt Dillon…
Man: Wait, is it?
–1 train, 14th St
Overheard by:
Woman #1: Were your parents Buddhists?
Woman #2: No, they just went through some rough times.
–Forest Park, Queens
Employee #1: Do you know who that is?
Employee #2: Some total douchebag! What’s he selling, encyclopedias?
Employee #1: Uh, no, he’s the publisher of the New York Times.
–New York Times Cafeteria
Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!
–66th St, Lincoln Center station
Cafe staff: Excuse me, are these yours? (holds up jogging shorts)
Man at computer: No, but I do like smelling used shorts.
–Snice Cafe, 8th Ave & Jane St
Overheard by: T. Castillo
Chick: Excuse me, are the trains running? Because there's one just sitting there…
Station clerk: Nah, they runnin', they runnin'! He just chillin' a little!
–215th Street 1 Station
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Father: Do you want a hatchet?
Four-year-old son: I need an axe!
Father: You sure?
Four-year-old son: Yeah!
Father: Okay!
–Lafayette & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn
Overheard by: off white
Drunk Hispanic teen: How do I get to Times Square?
Older white lady: I am not sure… Maybe two stops. [Teen whispers to her.] Good Lord, no! I am old enough to be your mother!
–F train, 57th St
Girl: Does your tan go away quicker when it’s cold out?
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s like why water turns white when it freezes.
Guy #2: You two are both idiots!
–58th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jester
Student #1: I met a guy on craigslist for “no strings attached” sex.
Student #2: Yeah? Was he weird, or was it fine?
Student #1: He was my TA from one of my classes last year.
Student #2: That’s the epitome of awkward turtle.
–Union Square
