Twenty-something holding clipboard: Sir, sir! Can I have a minute of your time?
Older man (stopping and patting twenty-something's hand): Well, dear…no.
–Bryant Park
Twenty-something holding clipboard: Sir, sir! Can I have a minute of your time?
Older man (stopping and patting twenty-something's hand): Well, dear…no.
–Bryant Park
Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!
–Packer Collegiate Institute
Girl: Gross. It smells like nasty pussy here.
Guy: How do you know what that smells like?
Girl: Uh… well, it’s what I imagine it would smell like.
–7th & A
Lifeguard guy: Did you hear about the guy who stepped on the butcher knife?
Boy: Did you save him?
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Lise
Conductor: Attention passengers, there will be no purgalism on this train tonight.
Drunken passengers: Did he just say “purgalism”? What the fuck is “purgalism”? Is that even a word?
(five minutes later)
Conductor: There will also be no puking on this train. No puking and no purgalism. I will not be taking any questions tonight.
–LIRR
Confused student #1: We've only got 1 minute to get to first period.
Confused student #2: What time is it?
Confused student #1, looking at watch: It's 8:01 and class starts at 8:02.
Confused student #2: No, it starts at 8:08. And my watch says it's 7:55.
Confused student #1: Really? I'm so tired I didn't remember.
Confused student #2: Why are you tired?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Confused student #2: On the floor? Why were you on the floor?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Confused student #2: That sucks. I woke up in the bathtub once.
Confused student #1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet.
Confused student #2: I couldn't imagine that.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Yoteh
Woman: I can’t tell Matt Dillon and his brother apart.
Man: I know! I thought it was Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Woman: It is Matt Dillon on Entourage.
Man: No, it’s his brother!
Woman: Nooo, it’s Matt Dillon…
Man: Wait, is it?
–1 train, 14th St
Overheard by:
Woman #1: Were your parents Buddhists?
Woman #2: No, they just went through some rough times.
–Forest Park, Queens
Employee #1: Do you know who that is?
Employee #2: Some total douchebag! What’s he selling, encyclopedias?
Employee #1: Uh, no, he’s the publisher of the New York Times.
–New York Times Cafeteria
Crackhead: Excuse me, miss, but you don’t look so good. Are you okay?
Hot, drunk chick vomiting in a trashcan: I’m supposed to be asking you that!
–66th St, Lincoln Center station
