Cute girl #1: You opened her mail?!
Cute girl #2: No… Jesse opened it. He thought it was one of those stupid dentist card things they send in the mail.
Cute girl #1: At least you'll have a conversation starter next time you talk to her.
Cute girl #2: Oh, yeah. What am I suppose to say? “So, your pap/cervix test was positive?”?
–Bay Ridge
Short NYU girl: It's not fair! Why do I always have to suck his dick? He's your boyfriend.
Tall NYU girl: Well, he said I was really bad at it.
–Starbucks
Man to coworker: Yeah, sometimes we hike up to mount Kilimanjaro in the summertime.
Stupid woman: Oh, mount Kilimanjaro…is that in Vermont?
Man (taken aback): Uh, actually, it's in Tanzania.
Stupid woman: Where is that?
–1221 Avenue of the Americas
Headline by: k swin
Runners-Up:
· “It’s Considered the Vermont Of Africa, If That Helps” – mac
· “It’s Next to “The Iraq”, Like Such As… Uh…” – Virginia
· “It’s Southwest Of Vermont” – Edmund H.
· “Oh, Like Any Of You Can Point It Out on a Map?” – Natty
· “President Obama Is Still Weeding Out Bush’s Staff….” – kim
Hipster girl: When I was sixteen I dated this Jewish bisexual guy… He was so Jewish he wore a yarmulke.
Hipster guy: Did you blog about it?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fixed Rider
Twenty-something holding clipboard: Sir, sir! Can I have a minute of your time?
Older man (stopping and patting twenty-something's hand): Well, dear…no.
–Bryant Park
Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!
–Packer Collegiate Institute
Girl: Gross. It smells like nasty pussy here.
Guy: How do you know what that smells like?
Girl: Uh… well, it’s what I imagine it would smell like.
–7th & A
Lifeguard guy: Did you hear about the guy who stepped on the butcher knife?
Boy: Did you save him?
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Lise
Conductor: Attention passengers, there will be no purgalism on this train tonight.
Drunken passengers: Did he just say “purgalism”? What the fuck is “purgalism”? Is that even a word?
(five minutes later)
Conductor: There will also be no puking on this train. No puking and no purgalism. I will not be taking any questions tonight.
–LIRR
Confused student #1: We've only got 1 minute to get to first period.
Confused student #2: What time is it?
Confused student #1, looking at watch: It's 8:01 and class starts at 8:02.
Confused student #2: No, it starts at 8:08. And my watch says it's 7:55.
Confused student #1: Really? I'm so tired I didn't remember.
Confused student #2: Why are you tired?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Confused student #2: On the floor? Why were you on the floor?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Confused student #2: That sucks. I woke up in the bathtub once.
Confused student #1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet.
Confused student #2: I couldn't imagine that.
–7 Train
Overheard by: Yoteh
