Woman to man in Yankees hat: Do you know if the Yankees won today?
Man: Sorry, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I don’t follow sports.
Woman to man in Yankees hat: … So you just wear the hat, then?
–2 train
Overheard by: Caty
Woman to man in Yankees hat: Do you know if the Yankees won today?
Man: Sorry, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I don’t follow sports.
Woman to man in Yankees hat: … So you just wear the hat, then?
–2 train
Overheard by: Caty
Black Santa takes off his beard, puts a cigarette in his mouth and starts to adjust his crotch.
Little girl in stroller: Daddy, why is Santa smoking?
Daddy: Well, obviously it’s a fake Santa…
Other passersby, scolding: Santa!
Black Santa: What? Santa’s gotta friggin’ fix himself sometimes, don’t he?
–Rockefeller Christmas tree
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
(girl runs into a woman crossing the street)
Woman (turning to confront girl): Are you kidding me?!
Girl: Are you kidding me?
Woman: Can’t you see?!
Girl: Watch where you’re going!
Woman: Are you kidding me!?
Girl: Oh god! This is New York, get over it!
–40th St & 6th Ave
Male European tourist: Excuse me, where can we find the subway?
New Yorker: Which subway do you want?
Female European tourist: The one that is on this corner.
–Broadway & Houston
[Twenty something chick stops in the middle of the store and looks around.]Twenty something dude, who is obviously brother of twenty something chick: What? What are you looking for?
Twenty something chick: The condoms.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
20-something chick: I still think the dog toy looks like a butt plug.
20-something guy: If there is such a thing.
20-something chick, with shocked face: Are you serious? Yes, there are butt plugs.
20-something guy: For what?
20-something chick: For people.
20-something guy: For *what*?
20-something chick: Nevermind.
20-something guy: No! Tell me! For *what*?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Saaaandwich?
Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!
–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway
Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!
–Hudson & Morton
Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!
–85th & 2nd
[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]
–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St
Overheard by: Bex
Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.
–Bryant Park
Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."
–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: scrubs
Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.
–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: David
Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.
–North Williamsburg
Overheard by: anti-feminist
White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.
–J Train
Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.
–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn
Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?
–Circuit City, Union Square
Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!
–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill
Overheard by: also a drinker
Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.
–NYU Bobst Library
Overheard by: queenofscots
Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.
–NYU Cancer Center
Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner
Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn.
–Sarah Lawrence College
Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas.
–NYU Law
Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do.
–Columbia University
Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Ali
Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school.
–NYU Cantor
Overheard by: Jesse
SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe.
–SVA building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia.
–History class, Hunter College
Overheard by: tanechka
