Hairdresser: So, I’m dating this carpenter…
Client: Oooh, is he cute?
Hairdresser: It isn’t so much that he’s ‘cute’ as ‘willing to redo my basement if I go out with him.’
–Amsterdam & W 85th
Overheard by: umpazumparoo
Hairdresser: So, I’m dating this carpenter…
Client: Oooh, is he cute?
Hairdresser: It isn’t so much that he’s ‘cute’ as ‘willing to redo my basement if I go out with him.’
–Amsterdam & W 85th
Overheard by: umpazumparoo
Woman missing upper teeth: He was followin’ me down the street so I turned around and said, ‘Why are you followin’ me?’
Friend: Yeah.
Woman missing upper teeth: And he said, ‘I wasn’t followin’ you, I was followin’ your ass.’ So I said, ‘Then take my ass to the clothing store.’ And a month later, I moved in with him.
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: chris
Intellectual #1: So, what’s the problem?
Intellectual #2: She gets all pouty when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Intellectual #1: Ugh, that’s the worst. I hate that.
Intellectual #2: Well, pouty doesn’t really bother me so much as long as you can fuck it out of them, you know? I just don’t think I can be with a chick if I can’t fuck her and make her forget whatever it is she’s upset with me about.
–Bar 89, Mercer St
Overheard by: Fox
Chick #1: So, Fred* and I got in a fight again last night, but we made up just as fast as it all started. I told him that I would let him fuck me in the ass if we can stop fighting for a month.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, good idea! That’ll work!
–Bartinis
Overheard by: anitaLaMasBonita
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD
Pharmacist: Do you have any allergies?
Woman: No, I’m not allergic to anything. Except maybe no good men. Yeah, write that down, I’m allergic to no good men!
–Duane Reade, 100 William St
Overheard by: shemah
Deli girl: So is that your girlfriend?
Guy : No, just a roommate.
Deli girl: What about that other girl you were in here with last week, the other blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the other day?
Guy : I’m actually gay.
Guy to roommate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fucking stalking me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the questions.
Roommate: Why didn’t you just tell her Jess was your girlfriend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psycho to make her believe me.
Roommate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him.
Guy: I’m not sure the sandwiches in here are worth that.
–Deli, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Don’t think I’ll be going back there
Blonde girl: But he’s in a relationship…
Brunette girl: This is how I feel about the whole girlfriend thing. The way I see it, everyone’s fair game as long as the girl isn’t one of your friends and you don’t get too attached. That’s really the only problem. Well, that and AIDS… But not many people have aids.
–E train at the World Trade Center station
Overheard by: ginalori
Hipster boy: It’s so weird. It’s like, one day my girlfriend will be in a good mood, and the next day, bad mood. I don’t get it!
–Broadway & Cedar
Queer #1: This place is terrible.
Queer #2: I know.
Queer #1: I hate Duane Reade.
Queer #2: Yeah, me too.
Queer #1: And yet I love it… it’s like an abuse relationship you just can’t get over.
Queer #2: Yeah.
Queer #1: Everytime I come in here, I see all these people who are like, I really don’t want to be here right now. [Pause. Dionne Warwick is playing.] Must be the music.
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: NYU girl
