School and studying

An Attorney? Contribute to Society?

Hobo to girl with two bags and seven textbooks: Damn, girl, where you goin’ wid all dem books? You rob a Barnes and Noble or somethin’? You tryin’a sell your shit, too? Yeah, you know how it is…
Girl: No, I’ve actually spent the last 18 hours in the library studying for my law school exams so I can become an attorney and contribute to society. But I’m sure you know all about that.
Hobo: Yeah, law school ain’t work out for me, neither. How much you sellin’ that New York Peen… Penal… Oh, shit! You learn about dicks and clits and shit in law school?!

–Church St, TriBeCa

Now See, That Was a Normal Question. Four.

Professor: I’ve heard from students that have taken my exams that they’re generally considered thinking exams. Rather than just have you recite the law, I try to throw questions in there that will make you examine the policies behind it… Yes?
Law student: What would you say the ratio of thinking questions to normal questions is going to be?
Professor: Hmmm… Really, I don’t know if I can answer that. I mean, what to one person would be a thinking-type question, to another might not be, you know? [Same student raises hand again.] Usually I’m reluctant to let a person who asks a question like that ask another question, so let me ask you first — how many of your questions are thinking-type questions?

–Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law

Steal This Wednesday One-Liner!

Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit.

–B1 bus

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear

Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses.

–53rd & 7th

Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus.

–Target, Atlantic Center

Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1

Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Wednesday One-Liners are Feeling Flush

Voice from stall: God, will you give me a sign?

–Restroom, United Nations

Overheard by: Nicolas

Girl in stall: Ugh! The toilet paper is totally not loving me!

–Restroom, Starbucks

Woman crammed in restroom stall with two girls: Okay, hold on… Alright, now. So, tell me what’s up! How do you girls like school?

–Mustang Harry’s, 34th St

Overheard by: Rachel Jordan

Man at urinal: Ow! …That’s not good.

–Restroom, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: RG

African dude settling into urinal stance: Lookie-here, what’ve we got here? Lookie-here at what we have!

–Restroom, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: off white

Voice from Port-a-Potty: Oh baby, oh baby. Yes!

–Gramercy Park

Wednesday One-Liners Have ‘Roid Rage

Teen guy: My math teacher says that I should learn this stuff since it’s going to be useful, but I told her, ‘When I go to college, I’m majoring in Lacrosse.’ The coach can hire a tutor for anything else they want me to do.

–Amtrak train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lacrosse-titute

Conductor: Fourth avenue. Transfer here to the R train on the lower level. The time is 6:36. The score is five-four, Mets. Thank you for riding MTA New York City Transit.

–F stop, 4th Ave

Overheard by: mili

Conductor: And don’t forget, you heard it here first: Yankees, five, Detroit, two. Mets… more than the other team. Anyone knows who the other team is, that’s good. Mets gonna have more runs than the other team. Next stop, 34th street.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: Pebbles

Woman on cell: Well, I’m sorry if my commitment to the Mets is not all you had hoped it would be!

–2nd Ave & 82nd St

Overheard by: aislinn

Yankees fan: So they found Lidle’s passport… Did they find his pitching arm?

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: tragedy + 2 minutes = comedy

Guy: This goddamn fucking son of a bitch! Darryl Strawberry just stole a thousand dollars from me!

–Office, 30th St

Overheard by: Bagel

B&T girl: I hate sports. I mean, I don’t even know what’s going on down there.

–On line for Slate

Overheard by: acep

In the Post-Apocalyptic Future, Formal Education Will Make All the Difference

NYU student #1: I think our degrees will definitely appreciate in value over our lifetimes.
NYU student #2: Yeah, dude, especially when the rest of the world is destroyed and New York becomes Mega City One.

–Juan MacLean concert, Union Square

Overheard by: deke shearon

God Insists on Saying ‘Between You and I’

Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.

–The Original Ray’s Pizza

Seniors: Someone’s Already Gotten to This Guy. He Can Barely Think Straight!

Ghetto guy: They got Freshman Friday at my school.
Ghetto girl: What’s Freshman Friday?
Ghetto guy: That’s when they fuck up the freshmen.
Ghetto girl: You a freshman!
Ghetto guy: So? They ain’t gonna grab me…I’m gonna…Whatever.

–Bronx bound 1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Now I Can Have a Future of Debt and Unnecessary Degrees

Girl #1: Oh my God, why are you joining the GRE crowd?
Girl #2: Um, because I was recently informed that I have no future, and that’s actually not a good thing.

–Hunter College Honors Lounge

Overheard by: Hunter College Guy

They Should Know Better

Hipster girl: So, like, what do you do in your media classes? Like, what do the professors expect?
Hipster dude: Well, they just want you to care.

–Balcony, Hunter College

Overheard by: the person who doesn’t care either

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