Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?

–R Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: AleKatz

Woman on cell: It smells like college!

–BrewFest, South Street Seaport

Office student: It literally smells like my ass.

–CCNY Computer Lab

Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.

–Q Train

Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: who are these people?

Posted on November 11, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Botox, Brooklyn, City College, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Insults, Latinos, Laughter, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Parks, Questions, Rack, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Big Endowment

Girl: We can't become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I'm a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who's going to judge me? There's like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They're never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on November 3, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Crying, Drinks, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, School and studying, Should've Used a Condom, Strangers, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…From My Research with Gerbils.

NYU professor with thick french accent: What's that drug called?
Student: Viagra.
NYU professor with thick french accent: Yeah, Viagra. Studies suggest that it stimulates organs in both males and females. Trust me, I know it works on both.

–Washington Square South & LaGuardia Place

Posted on October 1, 2022
Medicine, School and studying, Science, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Washington Square Park

Thesis Advisor: What Else You Got?

Columbia chick: … And what I’m really interested in studying is how computers are for us what slaves were to 19th century slaveholders.
Columbia dude: That’s very interesting.
Columbia chick: I mean, the way we treat them like commodities…

–Columbia University

Posted on September 12, 2022
Columbia (& Barnard), Computer, History & Geography, Race, School and studying, Students

Sympathy and A Skillful Segue is the Mark of a Successful Hobo

Columbia student: So I was dealing with all these peptide bonds and it was getting annoyingly complicated.
Hobo: Yo, I hate it when that happens! Got a quarter?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: SlickRicks

Posted on August 26, 2022
Columbia University, Hobos, Money & Class, School and studying, Students

Wednesday XXX-Liners

Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!

–Soho

Overheard by: Anastassia

Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.

–L Train

Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!

–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…

–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.

–William & Cedar

Overheard by: Laura

Posted on June 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Porn, Queer guys, School and studying, Soho, Street, Time, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Like When I Wrote That Novel, Of Small Rodents and Homo Sapiens

JAP #1: Oh my gawd, I have so many papers to write for school!
JAP #2: My friend is going to Parsons. She's not even that talented.
JAP #1: I'm so bad at writing papers. You know what I do? I find something someone else said. Something that I like…and then I just change the words.

–R Train

Posted on February 16, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Education, JAPs, On the Subway, School and studying, Words

Luck Had Nothing to Do With It

Lady #1: Unlike our daughter, she got lucky.
Lady #2: How so?
Lady #1: Our daughter had to pay to go to college. She got a scholarship because her father died.

–Jacobs Theatre, W. 45th Street

Posted on October 15, 2021
Death, Education, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, School and studying, Theater

While You're Still Paying for All That Unprotected Sex

Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She's our sister!
Brunette sister: She's getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I'm paying for the lattes.

–Starbucks, Bryant Park

Posted on September 29, 2021
Bryant Park, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gossip, Insults, School and studying, Sex, Sisters, Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on September 11, 2021
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Education, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jews, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Subway conductors, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

School and studying