Guy: So wait…what's your major?
Girl to group of friends: Booty poppin' bitches.
Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What's it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don't even have class today. There's…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
Overheard by: Ladle
Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!
–37th St & Madison
Overheard by: catching a train
Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?
Crazy-eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he's getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don't, Russia's going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Anna P.
20-something woman: I think he's just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.
–Bleecker & 11th
Overheard by: Imma club you
Father to five-year-old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.
Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin' on the block. Ain't no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he's walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.
Girl: And I had to buy my own scalpel, too.
Boy: Well, at least you'll have one now.
Boy: You never know when you'll need to skin a cat.
Girl: Or a person…
Overheard by: why do i go to school here?
Girl on cell: No, no, I’m not anywhere near there…No, I’m in Manhattan City, visiting a school.
–NYU Bookstore, Washington Place
Overheard by: Meghan
Columbia student: Do you go to NYU?
NYU student: Yes, how did you know?
Columbia student: I could tell by your dirty shoes. NYU gets their students from the homeless shelter.
NYU student: Excuse me?
Columbia student: I’m your biggest enemy.
NYU student: What?
Columbia student: I go to Columbia.
NYU student: Can you leave me alone?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Cooper Union Student
Black guy: When I was little I had an inferiority complex because I was the only kid in my school with nappy hair since I went to a white school.
White chick: I think I read a book about that once.
–118th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alison R.
College girl #1: I mean, if I saw a person seizing in the middle of the street, I probably wouldn't help them.
College girl #2: Yeah, I wouldn't know what to do.
College girl #1: She said that because of her first aid class, she knew to put him in a safety position, but I don't even know what that means! I mean, if a person is having a seizure, I don't think any position is very safe for them…
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Scarlett
Seven-year-old kid #1: Did you see pookie at school the other day?
Seven-year-old kid #2: Yeah, but I don't know… Her personality at school is all nice and shit, but have you seen her Facebook profile?! You can tell that bitch likes to fuck!