School and studying

Meet the Inventor of the Belinda Displeasure Scale

Little girl: If the teacher said if something was really, really good, would that make you really happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said if something was good, would that make you happy?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was sorta good, would that make you so-so?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was bad, would that make you mad?
Mother: Yes.
Little girl: If the teacher said something was really bad, would that make you really mad?
Mother: It would make me sick!

–97th & 3rd

Overheard by: squid

Hmmm… Now I’m Feeling a Little Better

NYU girl: … So I, like, know that I got half of the questions right.
NYU guy: So, what about the other 20 percent?

–Queens-bound N train

Overheard by: ADC

Your School Does Suck

Bimbette #1: My school doesn’t give out our grades ’til three days after the semester.
Bimbette #2: Wow! My school sucks. We have to wait 72 hours.

–Manhattan-bound N train from Brooklyn

Overheard by: Steve

‘Hokey Mokey’ Is Also Acceptable

Ghetto teen #1: Is it okay to write ‘Well, damn?!’ in a college essay?
Ghetto teen #2: No! It’s not appropriate enough. Let me see that… Damn. You sound arrogant as shit in this. Write something else.
Ghetto teen #1: What the hell am I s’posed to say? ‘Geez, Louise’?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Cyndi

So Your Teacher Should Be Able to Find You Some Asian Lab Partners

Asian kid #1: In my classes the teacher is always pairing me up with the other minorities. Just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I speak all those languages, too.
Asian kid #2: I could close my eyes walking down the street and count to five and when I open them see at least one other Asian. We’re everywhere.

–LIRR

Wednesday One-Liners May Begin… Now

NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?

–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell

Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.

–45th & Broadway

Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…

–Union Square

Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!

–NYU Silver Center

Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?

–Columbia University

Like Missionaries

Girl looking at GRE study guide: I’m not very smart. I took a practice test the other day and didn’t do good.
Friend: ‘Well.’ You didn’t do well.
Girl: No, it’s ‘good.’ A person is ‘well’ — like, ‘I’m doing well,’ but a person can’t do something well, they do it good.
Friend: You’re wrong.
Girl: No, that’s how it is.

–Barnes & Noble, 5th Ave

And College Is All Paid For

Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.

–Nail salon, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Samideluxe

Dude, You Know You Can Play Beer Pong after College?

Frat boy #1: Dude, when do you graduate?
Frat boy #2: Like, next year, man.
Frat boy #1: How long have you been in school, man? Like, five years, right?
Frat boy #2: Anyone that leaves college in less than five years is a loser. It’s like someone who leaves the party at 10:30 — things are just getting started!

–Line for The Colbert Report

Overheard by: Praying he stops talking

And Then Some More Steroids

Bimbette #1: My brain hurts. That Chemistry test made me think too much.
Bimbette #2: Well, yeah. I mean, you were using it, and it is the largest muscle in the human body.
Bimbette #1: Oh, right.
Bimbette #2: Wait… Or is it the heart?
Bimbette #1: No, I think your brain is definitely bigger. But who cares, I just want to pop some Advil.

–NYU

Overheard by: Amateur Brain Cardiologist

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