Sex

A Bird in Hand is Worth Two in the Bush

Paparazzo: So you two are really pretty, have you ever done any modeling?
Dutch girl #1: Ha ha ha, not me, maybe her.
Dutch girl #2: No, I am studying history at home.
Paparazzo: You really should consider it, there is great money in it and I would love to help you get started.
Dutch girl #2: Sounds interesting…what type of modeling?
Paparazzo: Well, nude sells the best. We can go over to my place and discuss it.
Dutch girl #1: Great!
Dutch girl #2: Maybe you can take some of us together.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stephanie Nally

Develop a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I’m so sick of boyfriends. I want to be single forever. Fingers and vibrators are it!

–43rd St. & 10th Ave.

Overheard by: Jenn X

Girl on cell: I’m telling you, the MTA is like a bad boyfriend. You’re all dressed up and ready to go and the fucking train doesn’t even show up! And the worst part is the next time you totally show up again, ready to go and just have to hope to God that the stupid train shows up. What the hell is that?

–45th & 8th

Black girl: It felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. That was some King Kong kind of shit.

–E train

Overheard by: Philip

Her Body Was Never Found

Girl: Where are you taking me?
Guy: Home.
Girl: No, seriously?
Guy: Home, you think I’m kidding?
Girl: …seriously?
Guy: We’re going to my place, yeah. Why?
Girl: I just met you.

They both got out of the subway together.

–2 train

Overheard by: charlie moreno

Wednesday One-liners: Cocks & Trains

Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.

–G train

Overheard by: Ocera

Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: Lizzy

Only If It’s The Mouth

Guy #1: Hit him in the fucking head.
Guy #2: Fuck him in the head.
Guy #1: Yo, that’s mad homoerotic, son.

–St. Mark’s Ale House, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Eric

Translation: I Crave Cock

Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni!

–Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood

Overheard by: Dawn

The Safety Word is “iPod”

Jogger Guy: This is totally just a warmup for a night of hot bondage sex.
Jogger Girl: I know!

–President and Court St.

Overheard by: Todd Martin

Not All Stories Have a Happy Ending

B&T Guy #1: It’s easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she’s done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!

–Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st

Overheard by: Michael

Yuppie #1: …yeah, those girls don’t want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.

–Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Chaser

It Takes Irregular Sex to Give Her the Big O

Fat black chick: I can’t come when I’m having regular sex.
Skinny black chick: Why not?
Fat black chick: I don’t know. It just doesn’t happen.
Skinny black chick: Maybe the guy sucks.
Fat black chick: And I have a sensitive clit, too.
Skinny black chick: He definitely ain’t hittin it right. Maybe you should get rid of that punk ass bitch.

–46th St. & 8th Ave.

Bill Clinton’s Ears (and Genitals) Are Burning

Dowager: What we really need to do is to educate these poor people so they don’t have sex. It’s the poor people who keep spreading all the STDs and the AIDS. Do you know any rich people with STDs? I didn’t think so.

–MoMA cafe

Lady #1: I can’t believe she said those things. She was so politically incorrect.
Lady #2: Well what did you expect her to say?
Lady #1: Something humanly correct.

–Shubert Theatre, 44th Street

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