Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: big spender
Yuppie: I hate you. You totally made me buy this. It’s fabulous!
Sales queen: That’s why I’m gay.
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: big spender
NYU girl #1: Why do they call it ‘Two Buck Chuck,’ anyway?
NYU girl #2: Because ‘buck’ rhymes with ‘Chuck.’
–Trader Joe’s
Overheard by: someone who knows a popular nickname for Char
Pet shop owner: Don't touch the puppies!
Girl: He touched me!
Pet shop owner: He can't read. The sign is there for you.
–Pet Shop
Gangsta retail guy: So this party last night was for real, totally got blasted, couldn't even wake up this morning…
Gay retail guy: I'd come to one of your parties, but all you guys do is get wasted.
Gangsta retail guy: Yeah, I'd go to one of your parties too, but all you guys do is fuck each other.
–Target, Bronx
Overheard by: Good Craic
Older white woman: Can you tell me where you have the Ku Klux Klan Christmas cards?
Young Hispanic clerk: Excuse me?
Older white woman: A friend of mine told me he saw KKK Christmas cards somewhere, and I’m trying to find them. I know it doesn’t sound too nice, but I think he’s just going to use them to make a black joke or something.
–Hallmark
Overheard by: Black woman trying to maintain her cool
Woman with nasal voice: I just really need to get out of here, I'd prefer to go someplace warm and interesting. But I don't know where it's warm and interesting.
Yuppie man: My boss–well, I guess I should say “my partner,” cause I made partner…but it sounds so (sexual voice) homosexual to say “my partner randy”…anyway, he just came back from Argentina and he loved it.
Woman with nasal voice: Oh! I just went to Argentina, actually. And then to Uruguay. We went to this little town, it was pretty much the Hamptons of South America.
–Barnes & Nobles, E 86th St
Guy #1: Dude, I was rockin’ pink American Apparel briefs and brown pants and pink and brown-striped socks when I hung out with her! Chicks dig that attention to detail, man.
Guy #2: Keep it down, man! You sound like a fucking faggot.
–Whole Foods, 14th St
Overheard by: lil pirate
Queen #1: Have you heard of this? It’s called I-Ching. Some mystical Chinese thing.
Queen #2: Oh! I love the I-Ching. You must try the I-Ching. It’s fabulous. You can’t understand a damn thing, it’s just remarkably profound and so Now.
–Borders Books, Penn Plaza
Overheard by: Shawndrea
Hipster guy: Hey, can you wrap that?
Cashier guy: Sure.
Hipster guy: Do you have any funny wrapping paper that says stuff like “Sorry your dad died” or something?
Cashier guy: Uh…no.
Hipster guy: Oh, damn. Well, do you have anything funny or weird or something?
Cashier guy: Well, we have one with little kids riding big flying books through clouds shaped like cute little animals.
Hipster guy: Yeah, no, I don’t think that will work. I don’t need to wrap it, right?
Cashier guy: Uh…I guess not.
Hipster guy: I just wanted it to be special and funny, and like ironic.
Cashier guy: Well, you can urinate on it. That would be really special and downright hilarious.
Hipster guy: Uh….okay, I’ll get the flying books paper.
–Barnes & Noble, 6th Avenue & 8th Street
Overheard by: m-co
Cashier: And how are you today?
Girl with arm in sling, brightly: Hopped up on prescription painkillers. And yourself?
–Barnes & Noble, 7th Ave, Park Slope
