Wednesday One-Loiners

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick!

–LaGuardia & W 4th

Overheard by: Not drunk

College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Kate V.

Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.

–South Park Slope

Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You.

–Central Park Entrance

Overheard by: HAIR-y

Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second.

–Century 21 Store

Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point.

–Penn Station

Posted on July 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Height, Insults, Jocks, Men, On Cell, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Port Authority, Race, Sex, Store, The Village, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Unwanted Foreigners

Cashier: Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it’s pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures…

–J. Crew, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Al

Posted on July 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Customers, Default, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Store, Words

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Overheard by: Emily

College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?

–Duane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!

–Wagner College

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Love, Medicine, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

At Least Our Nipples Are Perky!

(at the freezer section)
Dumb blond mom: Jesus, why’s it gotta be so cold in here?
Dumb blond daughter: Oh god, I know! Like it’s not cold enough outside.

–PathMart, Forest Ave

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on July 7, 2015
Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Moms, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Weather

Pending a Lawsuit from the Llamas

Little girl, talking to Rite-Aid employee: How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Rite-Aid employee: Hmm…let's see. Right now? Right now…24.
Little girl: Aren't there 26?
Rite-Aid employee: Actually there used to be 26, but they took away two.
Little girl: Which ones?
Rite-Aid employee: The ch and the double l.

–Rite-Aid, 86th St

Overheard by: Marie Ziskin

Posted on July 7, 2015
Clerks, Kids, Questions, Store, Words

Is That Any Creepier Than a Store with a Hair Salon for Dolls?

Child with doll in tow: Mommy, I really want Mia.
Park avenue mom #1: Well, maybe. Wouldn’t it be cool if they just sold the heads?
Park Avenue mom #2, poking head out of stall: What?
Park Avenue mom #1: Like, if they just sold Julie’s head, or Addy’s head?

–American Girl Store Bathroom

Overheard by: Layla

Posted on July 6, 2015
Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Pop Culture, Questions, Rich people, Shopping, Stall Spies, Store, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Have I Got a Skank for You

Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on July 5, 2015
Dating, Friends, Guys, Pickiness, Players, Promiscuity, Store

Now Try to Explain Cell Phones vs. Cordless

Cell phone chick: So if you upgrade to this new plan for $10 more a month, we’ll give you a totally free phone. $0, free of charge. All you have to do is mail in a $50 rebate form.
Woman: Wait, I thought it was free.
Cell phone chick: It is, you just pay me $50, and then send in the rebate form and they’ll mail you a $50 check.
Woman: Wait, but it’s not free? My husband will kill me if I spend
money on a new phone. What’s 50 minus 50?…I went to Syracuse University, I’m a college educated person, and I’m still confused. Is it free?

–Verizon, 34th between Broadway & 7th

Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Posted on July 3, 2015
Business and Commerce, Cell Phone, Clerks, Family Ties, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Women