Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Dads, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Duane Reade, Fast Times at New York High, Guys, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Knock-Offs, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourists, Train Station, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It’s Vital to Show Them Who’s the Master

Tween girl: Hey, these are cool…
Teen girl, gasping in horror: You never say that to shoes!

–Shoe store, 80th & Columbus

Posted on July 27, 2015
Advice, Shoes, Store, Teens, Tweens

Let's Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiiiiner!

Chick on cell: It attacked me this morning. I attacked it this afternoon.

–113th St

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train platform to grown man eyeing him: Stop looking at me or I'm going to beat you up!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Turning away now.

Hipster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: Easy Does It

Shopper on her cell: If one of these little kids steps on my toes one more time I'm gonna pinch the motherfuckers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bathroom: No, there's no toilet paper. You wanna throw down?

–Port Authority

Posted on July 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Customers, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Not New York, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Port Authority, Punch, Store, Threats, Time, Upper East Side, Violence, Women

Isn’t That Rich, Wednesday One-liners?

Thug guy: Yo, Dean and Deluca, they got mad expensive shit.

–Borders, Broadway & Pine

Posted on July 25, 2015
Money & Class, One-liners, Store, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Which Are Also Made in China

Girl #1: Ugh, this is made in China, everything is made in China these days.
Girl #2: Yeah, in China they eat puppies.

–Target, Queens

Posted on July 24, 2015
Ethnic Food, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Queens, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

For…Clothes?

Idiotic 20-something #1: Hey! What are you doing here?!
Idiotic 20-something #2: Shopping. What are you doing here?
Idiotic 20-something #1: Shopping.

–Barney's Warehouse Sale

Posted on July 24, 2015
Idiots, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

That and This Cattle Prod

Salesguy #1, about teen crowd blocking the door: Do you want to tell them to leave?
Salesguy #2: No.
Salesguy #1: Why not?
Salesguy #2: Because I don’t want to get my ass whooped, that’s why! [Teens leave a few minutes later.] See, they’re gone! It’s all in the power of positive thinking!

–T-Mobile Store, 732 Broadway

Posted on July 23, 2015
Coworkers, Philosophy, Questions, Store, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence

How Can You Still Say That After Hearing Me Sing 'Respect'?

Four-year-old: Mooooom! I want deseeeeeert!
Yuppie mom: No, sweetie, you didn't finish your sandwich.
Four-year-old: You have no soul!

–Whole Foods, TriBeCa

Overheard by: Has Cookies

Posted on July 23, 2015
Food, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

But I'll Gladly Direct You to a Window If You'd Like to See Yourself Out

Little old lady: But I am sure I came in on this floor. Don't you know the customer is always right?
Sales associate: This is the 3rd floor. Unless you scaled the side of the building, I'm right on this one.

–Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: stewed tomato

Posted on July 20, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Old People, Questions, Store, Stupidity, Weirdness