Wednesday One-Liners Are All About the Benjamins

Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.

–East Village

Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!

–Uptown 6 train

3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.

–Playground, DUMBO

Overheard by: grimrosary

Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”

–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: LSB

Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.

–D train

Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…

Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: Hobo Hank

Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!

–Goodwill

Posted on September 20, 2006
9 to 5-ers, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Books & Writing, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Customers, Fashionistas, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Money & Class, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Parents, Parks, Store, Travel, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

It Does Sound Good. You’re the Only One Who Gets Me.

Goth girl: You are such a disillusioned youth!
Goth guy: Wait, what does that even mean?
Goth girl: How should I know? I just think it sounds good.

–Claire’s Accessories

Posted on September 14, 2006
Goths, Store, Stupidity, Words

The Market Value of a Call From Mike Is Apparently Fairly High

Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?

–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st

Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj

Posted on September 12, 2006
Asshole, BJs, Friends, Store, Upper East Side

They’ll Be Able to Tell By the Smell

Foreign guy: No, there’s too many people on line to return.
American guy: Why don’t you put it in the drop box?
Foreign guy: I can’t do that!
American guy: Yeah, you can even leave it in the box outside.
Foreign guy: But how will they know it’s me?

–Blockbuster Videos, Chelsea

Overheard by: no one was on line for returns

Posted on September 4, 2006
Advice, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Foreigners, Guys, Questions, Store, Stupidity

They’ve Got to Be at Least Two Apiece

Tween girl: Is this sleepwear for fat people or regular people?
Mother: Honey, fat people are regular people.
Tween girl: Whatever.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: A regular person

Posted on September 3, 2006
Diet/Weight, Store, Tweens

Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul

Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.

–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: DC

Posted on September 3, 2006
Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Ladies Who Lunch, Money & Class, Retail Therapy, Store, Upper East Side, Women

Eh, It’s Just Baby Fat. He’ll Grow Into It.

Female clerk #1: He’s about 300 pounds now!
Female clerk #2: There’s something wrong with that baby.

–Staples, Union Square West

Posted on August 24, 2006
Babies, Coworkers, Diet/Weight, Store

And Schindler’s List Has Nudity!

Mother: We need to find Sound of Music for your brother.
Child: No! I want to watch Star Wars.
Mother: You can watch this. It has Nazis!

–Kim’s Video, Morningside Heights

Headline by: J Laks

Runners-Up:
· “And Bambi’s About Guns” – dei
· “And Then We’ll Watch Rent. It has lawyers!” – Nick V.
· “But Cover Your Ears During “My Favorite Things”; I’m Not Ready to Expose You to That.” – manisha
· “Gene Siskel Declares: ‘It’s a Gas!'” – erak
· “Hayden Christensen’s Acting Caused Far More Deaths, Though” – s himself
· “Now Put on Your Swastika Armband; We’re Going to See Grandpa” – phil
· “See, Sweetie, Your Brother’s Not Gay; He Just Advocates White Supremacy.” – LC
· “The Promotional Tagline That Never Quite Made It…” – Julie Holt

Click here to see the new Headline Contest