Girl #1: Yeah, so Mike and Nicole talk every day now!
Girl #2: What the fuck? Mike never calls me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks. What an asshole!
Girl #1: When was the last time you gave Mike a blowjob?
–Bed Bath & Beyond, 61st & 1st
Overheard by: i don’t want to give mike a bj
Foreign guy: No, there’s too many people on line to return.
American guy: Why don’t you put it in the drop box?
Foreign guy: I can’t do that!
American guy: Yeah, you can even leave it in the box outside.
Foreign guy: But how will they know it’s me?
–Blockbuster Videos, Chelsea
Overheard by: no one was on line for returns
Tween girl: Is this sleepwear for fat people or regular people?
Mother: Honey, fat people are regular people.
Tween girl: Whatever.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: A regular person
Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.
–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: DC
Female clerk #1: He’s about 300 pounds now!
Female clerk #2: There’s something wrong with that baby.
–Staples, Union Square West
Mother: We need to find Sound of Music for your brother.
Child: No! I want to watch Star Wars.
Mother: You can watch this. It has Nazis!
–Kim’s Video, Morningside Heights
Headline by: J Laks
Runners-Up:
· “And Bambi’s About Guns” – dei
· “And Then We’ll Watch Rent. It has lawyers!” – Nick V.
· “But Cover Your Ears During “My Favorite Things”; I’m Not Ready to Expose You to That.” – manisha
· “Gene Siskel Declares: ‘It’s a Gas!'” – erak
· “Hayden Christensen’s Acting Caused Far More Deaths, Though” – s himself
· “Now Put on Your Swastika Armband; We’re Going to See Grandpa” – phil
· “See, Sweetie, Your Brother’s Not Gay; He Just Advocates White Supremacy.” – LC
· “The Promotional Tagline That Never Quite Made It…” – Julie Holt
Queer #1: Yeah, they have a book this thick with all these martinis.
Queer #2: I hate when guys order flavored martinis.
Queer #1: Oh, I was just sayin…
–Outside Vintage, 9th Ave between 50th & 51st
Overheard by: Ronnie F
Customer: Do you have The Picture of Dorian Gray?
Employee: What is that?
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Little boy: Mom! Look, candy! I want candy!
Mother: No, you can’t have candy. Besides, they only put that there to trick you into buying it when you don’t really want it. It’s called an impulse buy. Do you want to be tricked?
Little boy: Mooom! Why won’t you buy me caaandy?!
Mother: Because I don’t love you enough.
–Blockbuster, 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Emily
Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
–14th & University
Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
–Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
–13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
–Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
–Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!
–Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
–Century 21
Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!
–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
