Woman: Will this skirt shrink in the dryer?
Saleswoman: I don’t know if it’ll shrink. My friend said that in her experience it probably won’t. But sometimes it does. It depends. There’s no way to know. It either will, or it won’t.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: SDP
Obese white trash wife in housewares aisle: If we had a real house, I’d decorate it like crazy.
Obese white trash husband: Yeah…
–Target
Little boy: Ewww…ewww….
Mom: Stop saying ewww..those are bras..
Little boy: I hate bras
Mom: Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind when you gets older.
–JC Penney lingerie department, Queens
Overheard by: a fellow shopper
Woman: Oh, would you like to get by?
Japanese tourist: Yes, thank you.
Woman: You’re very welcome…[to friend] Got that bitch outta my hair.
–Century 21
Clerk #1: I’ve always wanted to start my own magazine.
Clerk #2: Yeah, but there are so many magazines out!
Clerk #3: I’ve always wanted to start my own T-shirt company.
–American Apparel, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by:
English girl: The Strokes could do anything and be hot.
Friend: Yeah.
English girl: Even, like… hmm, I was going to say even if they were having a gay orgy, but —
Friend: That would be hot anyway!
English girl: Yeah! So they’d still be hot even if they…
Friend: Were peeing.
–MAC, Spring St
Chick: You can tell this is the comics section ’cause all the fat, ugly people are here.
Dude: You’re gonna get lynched.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Javier G.
Hipster #1: And the funny thing was… she had no curtains, right?
Hipster #2: Yeah?
Hipster #1: Yeah, and I mean I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that, but what was I supposed to say, “I’m not comfortable with my penis in your mouth right now”?
Hipster #2: Obviously you weren’t gonna say that!
–Duane Reade, 23rd between 6th & 7th
Fashionista: I’m not ready for a rich man.
–East Village
Woman: Yeah, he’s got money. Like, when Michael Jackson tried to buy the Elephant Man? That kind of money. Giraffe money!
–Uptown 6 train
3-Year-Old: My daddy makes a lot of money so my mommy and me can live the life we want to live.
–Playground, DUMBO
Overheard by: grimrosary
Salesperson: Yeah, so he was like, “That’s what it means to be rich. I can buy whatever makes me and my fiancé happy. I can buy her all the Harry Potter memorabilia that she wants.”
–Paragon Sports, 18th & Broadway
Overheard by: LSB
Wall-Street-Intern chick: So, if the weather is bad here in the Hamptons I may just fly to California or South Beach for the weekend. Hopefully nobody at work will need me because I may have to get a flight on Friday morning. You know, I have to do what’s fiscally feasible for me…and by “me”, I mean my parents.
–D train
Overheard by: I hope she reads this, and then dies…
Male customer to deli worker: Do you know where can I get a fake Rolex with counterfeit money?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Hobo Hank
Little girl, talking for a teddy bear with a stocking over its head, to another teddy bear: Give me all your money!
–Goodwill
Goth girl: You are such a disillusioned youth!
Goth guy: Wait, what does that even mean?
Goth girl: How should I know? I just think it sounds good.
–Claire’s Accessories
