20-something chick: Dad, isn’t this bracelet cute?! It was made just for you! Look, it says ‘Dada’ on it.
Dad: [Silent.]20-something chick: I mean, we have to get one for you — they totally made these for Dads!
Dad: Um, ‘Dada’ was the name of a surrealist movement.
20-something chick: Oh, that they, like, named after dads?
–MoMa Design Store, Midtown
Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht
Loud customer: Do you have She-Ra: Princess of Power?
Cashier: No, we don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: No. We don’t carry it.
Loud customer: It’s sold out?
Cashier: …Yes.
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Prep chick: Is it amoebas that come from Mexico? Or am I thinking of armadillos?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
White teen girl: So, is there a Friday next week?
–4 train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girlfriend: If your friends told you to jump down a bridge, would you do it?
–D train, Grand Concourse
Suit to black gangster holding large chameleon: Excuse me, sir. What species of dinosaur is that?
–Manhattan-bound F train
Overheard by: Josh
Teen: So how much would the game cost if it was $17.99?
–Game Stop, Forest Hills
Future zoologist: They have sea lions here! They’re like lions — from the sea!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Andrew K.
Guy soliciting money: Just one penny. Just one penny to help the homeless.
Contributor: Where’s Eddie?
Guy soliciting money: Eddie? Oh, he’s on vacation this week.
–Outside Barnes and Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Bob who gives at the office
Black guy #1: Yo man, I hate when it’s fucking raining like this.
Black guy #2: Yeah, that’s why we got this blunt.
Together: Yeah!
–Duane Reade, W 4th
NJ mom on cell with son #1: Anthony! Anthony, It’s Mamma. Stop crying right now. It’s okay, honey. It’s going to stop hurting in two minutes. Jesus, with the sobbing already! Put your brother on.
NJ mom on cell with son #2: I want you to stop doing that thing to your brother. If you make him cry again I’m going to make you cry. Do you hear me? Don’t play stupid with me. I get enough of that from it your father. What? Put him on… Stop laughing… Put Daddy on the phone or so help me Jesus…
NJ mom on phone with the father: Jerkoff, what the fuck is going on over there? I leave the house for five goddamm minutes and you are all flicking each other’s balls again… Stop fucking laughing. You are going to make them retarded or gay or something!
–Clinique counter at Bloomingdales, 59th St
Overheard by: waiting online behind her
Black woman: Oh, look at this, ‘The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.’ Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what’s-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said ‘he looks like you, playa.’
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Beeeej
Girl #1: Lately, I just haven’t felt like going out. I’ve turned into such a…What’s the word? A homophobe.
Girl #2: What? Don’t you mean a homophiliac?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s what I meant! God, why can’t I think straight today?
–Forever 21, W 34th St
Overheard by: rolling my eyes in the dressing room next door
Elderly woman: Do you know where the rat killer is?
Younger customer: I am not sure they carry that here. You should speak to a clerk
Elderly woman: A lot of people with pet rats don’t want them anymore.
–PetCo, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Glad I Have Dogs
