Thug #1: … And I was like, ‘Damn, baby. I just bought you some pizza, we’re about to see a movie — is it really imperative that I buy you the Justin Timberlake CD so you can listen to it tonight?’
Thug #2: I know what you mean dog. My girl was beggin’ me to buy her that new Akon shit.
Thug #1: Why can’t bitches just be happy?
–116th St station
Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare me some change?
Woman, pretending in bad Spanish: No hable engles.
Hobo: Shit! I gotta be bilingual to beg?!
–4th St subway station
Overheard by: Jessie
Thug #1: Yo, when I go to McDonald’s I don’t just want a fuckin’ Number One with a mothafuckin’ Coke. I want a Number One, a Coke, and a mothafuckin’ smile.
Thug #2: Word.
–Q train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Audrey Monaco
MTA worker #1: Que sera, sera.
MTA worker #2: Is that French?
MTA worker #1: Yeah.
–Times Square subway station
Overheard by: Cat
Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
–71 Continental Ave station
Overheard by: Kirby J
Black girl: My daddy says I can’t fight her because she’s pregnant.
Wigger chick: Her face ain’t pregnant, is it?
–Subway bathroom, 4th & 6th
Hipster guy: Yeah, my dad’s a bird-petter.
Hipster girl: How much does he make for that?
Hipster guy: About three friends a year.
–R/W platform, 8th St
Overheard by: the imbiber
AM New York hawker: Have a fantastic morning!
Embittered commuter: Stay away from me!
–7th Ave, E/B/D station
Overheard by: Jatmos
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy to man with over-stuffed backpack: Yo, what you got in that big-ass bag?
Backpack guy: Nothing good.
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy: Got any marijuana? [As backpack guy nears] Damn, whiteboy! You kinda big… I ain’t gonna fuck with you!
–Near subway entrance, NW Union Square
Overheard by: matt
Man to fat lady holding up traffic on the stairs: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you need a hand?
Fat lady: Do I need a hand? Yeah, I need a hand, a foot, an arm, a leg… Shit, nigga, I need a mink coat!
–Subway exit stairs, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
