Tween daughter: I have to study this Shakespeare sonnet for school. It’s really hard.
Dad: Put that away. You won’t be able understand it anyway.
Tween son: Just because you can’t understand it–
Dad: –Of course I can’t! It was written in old English like a thousand years ago.
–Grimaldi’s waiting line, DUMBO
Overheard by: big willy style
20-something guy: I’ve never been to a professional sporting event.
Girl: Really?
20-something guy: Well, except for the Orioles…
–Freddy’s Bar, Dean & 6th
Guy to girl: I never hooked up when I was blacked out.
Hobo: You never blacked out from liquor?! I’m about to!
–23rd & 2nd
Man: Excuse me, miss, do you have the time?
Girl with headphones: No thanks, I have a boyfriend.
–PATH train, 33rd St
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
–N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86
Man #1: Do you think in a past life you were a lemon?
Man #2: Why do you ask?
Man #1: I was just wondering…
–Starbucks
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?
–7th & 8th, Park Slope
Genetics professor: So, you know, Mendel’s pea plants didn’t just grow all in one night.
Student: So what did he do while the plants grew?
Genetics professor: Hmmm, who knows? Look at porn?
–City College
Father to kids cupping statue’s penis: Come on, girls, it’s time to leave. You’ll be lesbians before you know it.
–Time Warner Center
Lesbian to pal: We could be the next big hit! Lesbians on ice!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Putting on her Ice Skating Shoes
Lesbian: You’re upset that the woman could tell we’re dykes. I’m upset that she insulted us because we’re dykes.
–16th & 1st
Drunk redhead trying to hail C train: A hot dog in the hand is worth two lesbians in the bush.
–207th St station
Hobo: Beware the lesbians! They feed at sundown!
–E/V platform, 5th Ave
