20-something guy: I’ve never been to a professional sporting event.
Girl: Really?
20-something guy: Well, except for the Orioles…
–Freddy’s Bar, Dean & 6th
20-something guy: I’ve never been to a professional sporting event.
Girl: Really?
20-something guy: Well, except for the Orioles…
–Freddy’s Bar, Dean & 6th
Guy to girl: I never hooked up when I was blacked out.
Hobo: You never blacked out from liquor?! I’m about to!
–23rd & 2nd
Man: Excuse me, miss, do you have the time?
Girl with headphones: No thanks, I have a boyfriend.
–PATH train, 33rd St
Little girl: Mommy, can we steal these?
Mother: Not today.
–N train
Overheard by: Shannon
Headline by: chris s.
Runners-Up:
· “Daddy and Timmy Take Mondays” – torqued
· “Monday’s Child Is Fair Of Face, Tuesday’s Child Robs the Place” – h
· “Remember, Rape First, Then Pillage.” – Kristen
· “Today, Mommy’s Going to Teach You How to Turn Tricks!” – jane
· “We’re Just Casing The Joint Today, Sweetie” – Paul K.
· “When Winona Learned Not to Ask” – Tory
· “Would You Pay Attention to the Calendar I Gave You?” – sr86
Man #1: Do you think in a past life you were a lemon?
Man #2: Why do you ask?
Man #1: I was just wondering…
–Starbucks
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #1: G’mornin’, sweetheart! You look tired!
Middle-aged crossing guard lady #2: Oh, honey, I’m so hungover…
Passing child, to parent: On a Tuesday?
–7th & 8th, Park Slope
Genetics professor: So, you know, Mendel’s pea plants didn’t just grow all in one night.
Student: So what did he do while the plants grew?
Genetics professor: Hmmm, who knows? Look at porn?
–City College
Father to kids cupping statue’s penis: Come on, girls, it’s time to leave. You’ll be lesbians before you know it.
–Time Warner Center
Lesbian to pal: We could be the next big hit! Lesbians on ice!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Putting on her Ice Skating Shoes
Lesbian: You’re upset that the woman could tell we’re dykes. I’m upset that she insulted us because we’re dykes.
–16th & 1st
Drunk redhead trying to hail C train: A hot dog in the hand is worth two lesbians in the bush.
–207th St station
Hobo: Beware the lesbians! They feed at sundown!
–E/V platform, 5th Ave
Lady on cell: … And now I find out that I’m living a double life.
–Waverly & 6th
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Fake blonde: Just get it. You only live once a year.
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: jason
Conductor: Because of construction this train will be making express stops. The MTA reminds all passengers that to better serve our customers construction will be going on for the rest of your lives.
–F train, Jay St/Borough Hall
Overheard by: Robert
Man to teary-eyed daughter: What’s not important? A camel. What is important? Our lives.
–Starbucks, 42nd St
Overheard by: burnsides
