Wednesday 1:00-Liners

Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn't open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God!

–Meeker St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Simon

Girl on cell: Because I don't function in the world of time so well.

–7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St

Overheard by: John C

Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think.

–JFK

Law student to another: What time is it in the real world?

–Fordham Law School

Posted on March 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Church, Fordham, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, JFK Airport, On Cell, One-liners, Pilots, Questions, Street, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners

Sadly, This Makes Logical Sense

Guy: Yeah, I was in jail and got my Associate’s.
Girl: Yeah? Was it free?
Guy: 20 dollars or something.
Girl: Damn! I’m gonna be paying school loans forever! I should go to jail!

–Wai Cafe, 17th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: 167girl

Posted on January 19, 2022
Education, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Money & Class, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

This Year Fellatio Is the New Black

Guy #1: What time are we going to beat off?
Guy #2: What, together? Midnight, of course!
Guy #1, exasperated: No, not together! That’s so last year!

–6th & 1st

Posted on December 29, 2021
Default, Guys, Masturbation, The Village, Time

To Increase the Value of Their Work

Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.

–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St

Posted on December 18, 2021
Artists, Comebacks, Coworkers, Death, Default, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Store, Suicide, Time

Thank Goodness I Had This Envelope to Blow My Nose On!

Small Jewish woman on the phone: Hey, so sorry, I'm running late. I'm just leaving my house now. I woke up with a horrible cold…
Post office worker: Miss?
Small Jewish woman on the phone: Oh wait… It's my turn… I'm actually in line at the post office… Oh and when I see you, absolutely no hugs, I am very contagious!

–Post Office, London Terrace

Overheard by: wish I had a bottle of purel

Posted on November 23, 2021
9 to 5-ers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Illness, Jews, Lies, Post Office, Time

I’m More of a Fourth-Date Girl

Teen girl: It’s just… Even though he was fat, I liked him because of his personality. But once I actually saw his penis, or more like lack of a penis, that was just the last straw. I mean, you can be kinda fat with an awesome personality, but you’ve gotta have a good-sized dick, y’know?
Friend: Wait, you didn’t know he had a small dick until last week?!

–56th & 3rd

Overheard by: samantha

Posted on October 21, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Questions, Teens, Time

Because When I Wasn’t at the Library I Was Having Sex

Girl #1: Again? That’s twice this week.
Girl #2: Yeah, I really think I am a nymphomaniac.

–3rd Ave & 60th St

Posted on September 25, 2021
Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Psychology, Sexuality, Time, Upper East Side

Then Who Was I Teaching on Sunday?

Professor: Have a good weekend! [Pause] What day is today?
Students: Monday.
Professor: Shit!

–NYU

Posted on September 13, 2021
NYU, Students, Teachers/Professors, Time

…..But That Was Only Because I Drank Too Much Eggnog and Passed Out in a Puddle

Red-haired hipster: Yeah, I haven't bathed myself in a week, so today I took a shower.
Hipster chick: Yeah, last time I took a shower was on Christmas Eve. I guess I should bathe.

–L Train

Overheard by: every day bather

Headline by: antigoth

Runners-Up:
· “God, I Hope This Was Overheard on Christmas Day” – Vasyl
· “Jesus Would Want It That Way” – Nick Turner
· “On the Plus Side, I’ve Driven All Of the Roaches Out Of My Apartment” – Kelly
· “Robert Pattinson’s Dream Girls” – John
· “Smells Like…. Teen Spirit?” – rose
· “Wait, Do Golden Showers Count?” – Trey Jackson
· “Why Is There an Echo on This Train?” – Scott Easton
· “Why You Never See Hipster Babies…” – Ray

Click here to see the new Headline Contest