Guy #1: Hey, where you going?
Guy #2: It’s about 3:15 — I gotta go to class.
Guy #1: This is college, not high school. You don’t have to be on time to class.
Guy #3: So, what are we gonna do?
Guy #1: It’s 3:16! I’m late for class!
–CUNY City Tech
Overheard by: Benny
Australian Girl: Well, our year starts in January and ends in June.
Young man next to her: Oh my god! So you guys are, like, in the year 2010 or something! Fuckin’ weirdos…
–Brooklyn-bound 3 train
Student, looking at clock: It’s time to go, Mr. T.
Teacher, slowly and loudly: It’s time for you to die.
–E 68th St
Fish guy: Yeah, my dad died of colon cancer in 2001.
Blonde: Oh, how’s he doing?
–Grocery store, Astoria
Overheard by: Dustin
Headline by: Mr. Gee
Runners-Up:
· “‘Great Listener’ Is On Her Resumee” – Denny
· “Decomposing Quite Nicely, Thank You for Asking” – RBNY
· “I’d Say His Condition Is Stable” – Tadzio
· “Rolling Over About Now” – Kaitlen
· “Rotting, No Doubt” – Katy
· “Well, Mom Won’t Share a Bed with Him Anymore.” – Cassie
· “Worst Pick-up, Best Blow-off” – halfknot
Guy in line, to girl: So, I guess we could go to the TKTS booth and see how much the half-off shows are. They’re usually like 30 or 50 percent cheaper.
–Starbucks, Times Square
Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you said you were running a few minutes late and you showed up two days later!
–Spring & Greene
Desperate guy: I don’t care if she’s between a two and a ten, just so long as she’s not a one!
–Spring & Mulberry
Overheard by: Eddie
Enthusiastic chick: You know what they say — hindsight is 50-50!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: David
Eight-year-old boy to female friend: … At a rate of interest of five point three-five percent…
–W 81st St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Blonde: I can pretend to be just one person!
–30th St, Astoria
Fireman #1: You never hook me up!
Fireman #2: Uh…
Fireman #1: How many years have I known you, and you never once hooked me up?
Fireman #3: Well, that’s ’cause you’re disgusting.
–Fire Dept., Great Jones St
Man on phone: I thought you were calling to tell me you’re getting married. That would have been terrible.
–45th & 8th
Overheard by: Lisa
Metromosexual on cell: Lady-fag and Rainblow Brite are getting married.
–Bedford & 5th, Brooklyn
Little Asian girl talking on toy cell: What? Tomorrow? Marry you?!
–Waiting room, Ft Greene Department of Health
Overheard by: nooners
Angry woman to loser husband: If you want this marriage to work, we need to move to Baltimore.
–Starbucks, 59th & Lex
Girl on cell: No, I don’t think sleeping with her again will help… Because, honestly, you shouldn’t be sleeping with anybody else… I mean, Jesus Christ, we are engaged!
–Starbucks, 23rd & 6th
Man to woman: So, he told you he wasn’t dating anybody, but he didn’t tell you he was married?
–11th & Broadway
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Tween daughter: I have to study this Shakespeare sonnet for school. It’s really hard.
Dad: Put that away. You won’t be able understand it anyway.
Tween son: Just because you can’t understand it–
Dad: –Of course I can’t! It was written in old English like a thousand years ago.
–Grimaldi’s waiting line, DUMBO
Overheard by: big willy style
