Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the garden is?
Bored looking suit: Ma'am, this is a stadium.
Tourist woman: You asswipe, I can see that, I'm asking where the garden is!
Bored looking suit: Lady… Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's two blocks down.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Local friend: So how you finding New York?
Tourist friend: It's okay, I guess… Just can't really see it without the monsters, you know? Like in the movies?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
–44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
–8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
–51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
Eleven-year-old tourist: I heard that there was a church here in New York that worships Satan.
Tourist father: Well, that doesn't make sense, because you cannot worship Satan, you can only worship Jesus.
–9th Ave & 47th St
Tourist #1: Manhattan!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!
Tourist #2: Manhattan!!!
Tourist #1: Manhattan!!!!
Random New Yorker: Manhattan!!!!!!!!
–38th & 5th
Overheard by: where brooklyn at?
Tourist #1, taking photos: Oooh, is that the New York skyline?
Tourist #2: No, I think that's New Jersey.
Tourist #1, stopping: Oh. Eww!
–Circle Line Tour
Man, shouting to a tour bus: Hey, you guys like New York!
Tourists, all in unison: Yeah!
Man: Well, go fuck yourself!
–Bryant Park
Woman: We're going downtown, but north towards the city.
Tourist mother (gawking): What are you talking about?
Tourist little boy (tugging on her pants): Mommy, Brooklyn is upside down!
–F Train
Guard: Sir, no visitors allowed.
American tourist: Why not?
Guard: Only employees are allowed in, sir.
American tourist: But what if I wanted to do business in there?
Guard: In the stock exchange? Like…what?
American tourist: Like, what if I wanted to buy stocks?
–Entrance of NYSE, Wall St
Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.
–B Train
