Tourist girl, almost getting hit by a taxi while crossing against the light: Eek!
Spanish lady to cab driver: Ai, are you crazy!?
Tourist girl: Oh my god, she just kicked the car!
Spanish lady: Yah, I kick car.
–46th St
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Tourist girl, almost getting hit by a taxi while crossing against the light: Eek!
Spanish lady to cab driver: Ai, are you crazy!?
Tourist girl: Oh my god, she just kicked the car!
Spanish lady: Yah, I kick car.
–46th St
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Conductor yelling in Indian accent: Please get in the train, it's not that crowded. (door closes and opens again) Get in the freaking train, it's not Mumbai, there is space, and keep you limbs inside the train, please!
–E Train
Overheard by: Ting
Loud man as doors open on a packed rush-hour train: What you need to do is…put out your hand and say, "no, you will not fit." And then, if that don't work, take your umbrella, and open it up.
–4 Train
Seated woman to older lady leaning over her: Lady, back your fupa up!
–F Train
Overheard by: pwolf
Conductor: This train is tooo crowded, folks. There is another train behind us that looks just like this one. Take a look at this train, then wait for something that looks just like it.
–6 Train
Little tourist boy: There are more people in here than in all of New York!
–Dillan's Candy Store
Black guy: Wanna see what I'm famous for?
Tourist: No, I don't want to see your penis.
–Central Park Entrance
Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: MBS
Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!
–The Bronx
Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?
–Uptown 1 Train
UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!
–Prince & Lafayette
Overheard by: dee
Businessman behind group of tourists: These slow-moving tourists are fuckin' killing me.
Tourist: We'd better not catch your fast-moving New York ass in Beaumont, Texas!
–37th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: DodgersWill
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the garden is?
Bored looking suit: Ma'am, this is a stadium.
Tourist woman: You asswipe, I can see that, I'm asking where the garden is!
Bored looking suit: Lady… Look, I'm not going to lie to you. It's two blocks down.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Local friend: So how you finding New York?
Tourist friend: It's okay, I guess… Just can't really see it without the monsters, you know? Like in the movies?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
–44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
–8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
–51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
Eleven-year-old tourist: I heard that there was a church here in New York that worships Satan.
Tourist father: Well, that doesn't make sense, because you cannot worship Satan, you can only worship Jesus.
–9th Ave & 47th St
