(horsey tourist girl walks right into tiny fashionista in giant Chanel sunglasses)
Horsey tourist girl, screaming: Was that really necessary?
Tiny fashionista, confused: You're the one who ran into me.
Horsey tourist girl, still screaming: There are 50,000 people in this city. Learn how to walk.
Tiny fashionista, calmly: Eight million, actually.
(horsey tourist girl stomps off)
Tiny fashionista, yelling after her: Your shoes are ugly!
–50th St & 5th Ave
(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!
–M101 Bus
(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!
–Union Square
Overheard by: I Looked Away
Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!
–Q Train
Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.
–30 Rock
Overheard by: MusicMagGirl
Tourist #1, looking at subway exits: North side or south side?
Tourist #2: What's the difference?
Tourist #1: Well north is north…and south is south.
(both look from one exit to the next and look at each other)
Passing New Yorker: Are you going uptown or downtown?
Tourist #1, thinking: Hmmmm….west.
New yorker: West of 8th…but uptown or downtown? West side of what street?
Tourist #1: Hmm… West side of…23rd Street?
New Yorker, walking away: You don't know what the hell you're doing.
–23rd St
Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??
–Office, 8th Ave
Overheard by: kpan
Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?
–The Metropolitan Museum
Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?
–W 103rd St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?
–Jerome Avenue Line
Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?
–Waiting Area, Penn Station
Overheard by: Not from New Jersey
Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?
–Fisk Building
British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu!
–Bleecker & Grove
Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields?
–Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Jason K.
Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it!
–Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train
Overheard by: Sara
Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes!
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth!
–Olive Garden
Overheard by: EthanK
Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered?
–Time Square
Conductor: Next stop, NYU. 8th Street.
Tourist teen girl #1: NYU? Is that New York University?
Tourist teen girl #2: Umm, I think so.
Tourist teen girl #1: Wow! New York University has their own stop!
–N Train
Old tourist: They have a monorail here now.
Older tourist: A what?
Old tourist: A monorail.
Older tourist: A monorail?
Old tourist: A monorail.
Older tourist: Jesus.
–JFK
Overheard by: zoviet
Tourist girl #1: Oh, look! There's a squirrel over there!
Tourist girl #2: Uh, yeah. We have those at home, you know.
–Central Park
Dunkin' Donuts giant coffee cup mascot: Beautiful Saturday folks, come to the grand opening of Dunkin' Donuts right down the block…
Tourist bro: Dunkin' Donuts sucks!
Dunkin' Donuts giant coffee cup mascot: Get out of here, you asshole!
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Christian
Airport customs officer: Are you bringing in any fruits or vegetables or anything that needs to be washed?
Non-sarcastic tourist: I have dirty clothes.
–JFK
Overheard by: MJMJ
