Pre-teen girl on bike #1: Why don’t we go into that building and wait, and then go around the circle and get in trouble again?
Pre-teen girl on bike #2: Okay.
–Washington Square Park
Pre-teen girl on bike #1: Why don’t we go into that building and wait, and then go around the circle and get in trouble again?
Pre-teen girl on bike #2: Okay.
–Washington Square Park
Tween daughter: I have to study this Shakespeare sonnet for school. It’s really hard.
Dad: Put that away. You won’t be able understand it anyway.
Tween son: Just because you can’t understand it–
Dad: –Of course I can’t! It was written in old English like a thousand years ago.
–Grimaldi’s waiting line, DUMBO
Overheard by: big willy style
White tween: Everyone has a MySpace.
Asian tween: I don’t have a MySpace.
White tween: You don’t got a MySpace? Why not?
Asian tween: ‘Cause it’s the easiest way to meet sexual predators.
White tween, laughing: Nah, don’t worry. You ain’t ever gonna meet any sexual predators — you’re ugly.
–PS 173 playground, Fresh Meadows
Tween girl #1, trudging through snow: What’s with this weather? It’s so annoying.
Tween girl #2: Yeah. Weren’t we having global warming? Let’s stop recycling or something.
–110th & Broadway
Jersey tween #1: Who needs six dogs?
Jersey tween #2: Seriously… Who the fuck needs six dogs?
Jersey tween #3: Me?
–NJ Transit leaving Penn Station
Tween #1: Wow, that’s cute! He was gonna eat her booger for a hand job?
Tween #2: It was, like, a monster booger…
–Montague & Henry St, Brooklyn Heights
Drunk Irish man: So, your screenplay is about a paralyzed chicken?
Blonde tween: No, it’s about a boy who makes his whole family paralyzed, including his chicken.
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Soiled Eve
Guy: I sold everything — the script, TV episodes, merchandising rights… They paid me two million dollars. It sucks, because after I pay off debts and taxes I’ll only have one million, and that doesn’t go as far as it used to.
–MoMA lobby
Overheard by: foofoo
Fat chick: … So I was like, ‘Mom, what the fuck? I don’t need a diet.’ Then she goes, ‘But your doctor told you that you’re a hundred pounds overweight — eat healthier!’ Then I just told her, ‘Screw you!’ I’d rather go on Maury than lose weight!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Maury Povich’s viewer
Tween girl running towards crime scene minutes after a shooting: We’s gonna be on TV, nigga!
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Liberace wannabe on cell: … And I thought, ‘Thank God,! She likes AbFab! At last, I can talk to her on a level playing field!’
–44th & 9th
Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. Plenty of seats, color TV, open bar.
–W train to Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Dad: … And how do you know when we’re in the Village, sweetie?
Tween girl: Hipsters?
Dad: Uh, no, I was talking about that sign [points to ‘Welcome to Greenwich’ sign].
Tween girl: Oh.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Ditzy tween: Wait, what? Isn’t your dad in prison?
Friend: Um… No…
Ditzy tween: Isn’t that what you told me? Or maybe it was your uncle?
Friend: Nobody I know is in prison.
–Bus
Overheard by: if i had a nickle…
