Woman #1: So are you still seeing that Rob guy?
Woman #2: I guess. He came over the other evening.
Woman #1: Oh, that’s good. Did you do anything fun?
Woman #2: Well, we were going to make cookies, but then I remembered I had some fish I needed to cook.
–Bistro 60
Mother to child: Shut up!
Child: Don’t you dare use that language with me! You’re so disrespectful!
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Nora
Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay…
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.
–86th & Lexington
Bum: Hey you got some money so I can get an iced cappuccino?
Concerned white man: Sorry man, I don’t have any more.
Bum: I’m too lazy to work, HAHAHAHAH. [crazy cackle]
–71st & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Donny
Little boy: Okay, so we’re gonna both have boobies!
Little girl: No…
–82nd & Park
Mom: Danny, what did you put in the trunk?
Seven-year-old boy: Don’t you mean, ‘Whom did you put in the trunk’?
–116th & Lex
Chick: Do you ever wonder if we’ll get tired of being so rich? You know, like what if later in life we randomly, like, decide to renounce our possessions or something drastic and move to Africa?
Man: What, are you saying you don’t enjoy our lifestyle anymore?
Chick: I don’t know… hey, do you wanna get some coke later?
–82nd & 1st
Overheard by: chuzzle in space
A blind woman and her dog are making their way into a Duane Reade through the “Out” door, with difficulty to keep the door open. Behind them is a WASP lady, waiting to get in.
Blind woman: Good, good, now make a hard left, to the counter, to the counter.
WASP lady: Idiots.
–74th & 3rd
Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.
–1 train
Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.
–96th St station
Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?
–Sushi restaurant, Soho
Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.
–E 61st & Lex
Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.
–E 23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Jake
Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.
–Leon M. Goldstein High
Overheard by: Hand-banana
Hobo, suddenly lunging at random female customer: My meat! My meat! My meat! You took my meat! I saw you! You put it in that cart! My meat!
Gristedes staff converge on the old man who is dragged away, still clinging to the woman.
Manager, shaking his head: Yesterday, and again today, Jimmy!
–Gristedes, 1st Ave between 73 & 72
Overheard by: Emily Duncanson
