White girl #1: Before I moved to New York I was white!
White girl #2: Really? I could imagine it.
–West Elm, 17th St
White girl #1: Before I moved to New York I was white!
White girl #2: Really? I could imagine it.
–West Elm, 17th St
White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African.
–39th & 3rd
Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs.
–Elevator, 250 West 57th St
Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that!
–Lunt-Fontanne Theatre
White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’!
—The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre
Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes.
–Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot.
–Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Adam
Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’?
–Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St
Overheard by: A-Mo
White chick to black chick: That’s a cute bag. It would be, if it were real.
Black chick: Bitch, it ain’t fake, it’s stolen!
–14th & 8th
(#106 bus arrives)
Black woman to white woman: You know if this bus is going to East Harlem?
White woman: Yes, I know.
Black woman: Oh, okay. I was just making sure you knew where you were going.
–96th St & Amsterdam
Guy: Why do all the white people in Harlem disappear at night?
Chick: ‘Cause that’s when we all wake up?
–125th & 7th
Brown guy: That nigga act like he never seen a Sherpa before! Ignorant.
White guy: Well, he probably hasn’t. You aren’t that common, you know.
–Greene & Grand
Overheard by: lil pirate
Wasp guy: Kid Rock, Mark Wahlberg, and Eminem are my top three.
Friend: Your top three?
Wasp guy: Yeah, my top three celebs. Like, seriously, they're the coolest people ever.
–L Train
Drunk black girl: I get mad cheap shit in Chinatown. You can get shit for like ten cents. China knows what’s up.
Drunk black guy: Shit. But they are communist and shit.
Drunk black girl: Yeah, but the U.S. is a bunch of idiots. They’re like, "We are gonna make shit fuckin’ expensive," and China is like, "FUUUCK YOUUU. We are gonna sell shit for like one dollar, and all you stupid white bitches gonna buy it up. Fuuuck youuu."
–N train, 28th St
Asian guy: If I’da been white, they would have let me in. White people suck.
White guy: White people don’t suck; clubs suck. I try to limit myself to venues that always let me in, but still encourage easy white women to come too. So far, I have yet to get an STD that can’t be cured.
–F train
