White People

Creepster to woman with child entering train: You can sit here. There's no reason to be standing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much better when you were standing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got together, we could make the next Obama.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me "The Vagina Whisperer."

–Moe's Bar. Brooklyn

Guy hitting on four younger girls: I'll take you home and we can do something weird… I'll pour honey all over you. Then I'll put you in the closet and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I'll pour butter all over you, and I'll make toast, and I'll wipe the butter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Older fat man yelling at attractive young woman: Hey bay! You're beautiful! Look at me! You don't want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I'm Tony Baloney.

–Broadway & Hewes, Brooklyn

Older black man: How's you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I'm very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!

–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

Black guy: Why would a young black girl dye her hair blonde? Looks terrible, y’know.
Whitey: Um, yeah. Bad idea.
Black guy: Bitch looked like a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.

–One Penn Plaza

Girl #1: So I don’t wanna be all like, “whatever,” because he, like, totally likes me.
Girl #2: He told me he thinks you’re smart.

–R train

Overheard by: Jorge De La Garza

White hipster #1: Yeah, I just moved into a place in Bushwick. I’m the only black guy for, like, five miles.

Other white hipsters stare at him.

White hipster #1: What?

–Yale Club, Vanderbilt Ave

White guy, feeling shirt material: This is nice. What kind of fabric is this shirt?
Black guy: It’s, uh… grey.
White guy: Grey? That shit’s not a material!

–Century 21

Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.

–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Luigi

White guy: Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any sunscreen by any chance, would you?
Friend: I'm black.

–12th St & 8th Ave

Dude #1: All the women in here are pretty unapproachable.
Dude #2: I’ll approach the shit outta them.

–Fat Cat, Christopher St

Overheard by: Miss Hellion

Hobo: Let me ask you something. How come White people don’t buy from Black-owned businesses?
White guy: I do. All the time.
Hobo: Yeah? What Black stores do you shop at?

–Morningside Drive & 113th

Overheard by: Captain Obvious