White People

The Unbearable Lightness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You're from Scotland? I love the Scots… They're puuuuuuurrreee white!

–Outside Empire State Building

Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud.

–109th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don't belong here!

–Upper West Side

Black woman to cops walking away: But I'm a Caucasian!

–Bed-Stuy

Which, If I'm Not Mistaken, Makes Us Relatives.

Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um…what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Julzz

Lois Commutes between Adoration and Homicidal Rage

Black woman, to eight-year-old white girl: I love the white people. You are so cute. I would babysit you. Come here.
White woman: Yes, give the little white girl a hug.
Black woman, to girl: If anyone fucks with you, I’m gonna be fucking with them.

–47th & 8th

Overheard by: alxie

Maybe If You Stopped Calling Them That?

Black guy #1: She’ll probably holla at you before she hollas at me, though.
Black guy #2: For real! That’s how white bitches are!

–Metropolitan Ave, Kew Gardens

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

It’s the Mexico of Asia

Old white man: I didn’t know they had cockfights in Korea.
Young Asian guy: Yep, sure do.

–1 train

NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Downtown 2 Train

Some People Have a Knack for Getting Right to the Heart of a Matter

White woman: How are things with John?
Asian woman: I don't know. He's just not manly enough for me. He listens to Miss Saigon at the gym. Maybe he has an Asian fetish.
White woman: Sounds more like he has a dick fetish.

–E Train

Overheard by: Brad

It’s a Word That Only White People Can Call Each Other

White kid: I got into a full-on debate with a friend of mine over the N-word.
Black kid: I learn a lot of SAT words from you, so tell me: what is a
fulondevay?

–Brooklyn Debate Resource Center, East Flatbush

Overheard by: Lydia

Wait! Is It Going Above 137th Street?

White chick #1: Excuse me, is there an uptown train to 168th at this station?
White chick #2: Yeah, but the subways aren't running above 137th, they've cut the power lines. Take the M4 up Broadway.
White chick #1: Okay, but there is an uptown 1 train at this station, correct?
White chick #2: Yes, but at the moment it's not working. They kicked us off at 137th and told us to take the bus.
White chick #1: So there isn't an uptown train at this station?
White chick #2: (silence, walks away)

–137th & Broadway

And the Ancient Greeks Owned Slaves!

Boy giving presentation: Guys, shut up! Everybody has to be quiet during my presentation.
Black boy: Man, your people kept my people down for hundreds of years. I ain't being quiet for your presentation!
Boy giving presentation: I'm not white, dude. I'm fucking Greek.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

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