Guy #1: You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Guy #2: What am I, an idiot?
Guy #1: You always don’t know what you’re talking about, and that’s your biggest problem.
Guy #2: What am I, an alien?
–Park Slope
Guy #1: You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Guy #2: What am I, an idiot?
Guy #1: You always don’t know what you’re talking about, and that’s your biggest problem.
Guy #2: What am I, an alien?
–Park Slope
Mom: I am telling you, you have to stop chewing your toothbrush to pieces… And now you are on to razors! Your stomach is going to explode like Anna’s.
20-ish daughter: That’s because Anna eats pussy.
Mom, smacking daughter on the head: Well, the next stop is Dyckman. Do you want to get out there and have your stomach explode, too?
–1 train, 207th St
NYU student: So, I think I’m just going to tell my girlfriend, ‘You know, I’ve been going to the gym a lot, working out, watching what I eat, and I think you should, too.’
Friend, as all receptionists stare: Yeah, no — you really can’t say that.
–Palladium Gym, NYU
Guy: I think you might want to get a little closer to the curb.
Drunk girl #1: No, you know, I’m okay like this.
Drunk girl #2: Stop, don’t be a bitch, he’s being nice.
Drunk girl #1: Sorry!
Drunk girl #2: Thanks anyway, but we won’t get hit by a car, because it’s simple mathematics. It’s impossible!
–23rd & Park
Queer to friend: Never again! If I ever have to do that again, I’ll stab myself in the face! (turns to Asian lady on escalator behind him) Hi! Don’t kill yourself!
Asian lady: I probably should…
–Penn Station
Chick: I should start going to gay bars. I’m tired of going to all these straight bars where guys feel free to rub their penis all over your ass.
–Zabar’s, Broadway & 80th St.
Overheard by: Basil
Woman: Honestly, I wonder what she ended up doing with a 3 foot, papier-mache penis.
–Broadway/Lafayette station
Overheard by: Jaya
Guy: I don’t want to live in a building that undulates!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Derek
Little boy: Mom, I want that!
Harried mother: No, we don’t have enough money.
Little boy, after a pause: So just make more money!
–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Abbieprime
Street Vendor: Hey, hey, hey man, jewelry blow out special. Everything a dollar. Buy something nice for your wife for the holidays. One dollar!
Businessman: A dollar? I’m not gonna buy my wife jewelry for a dollar.
Street Vendor: It’s the thought that counts.
–57th and 8th
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
Crying queer: I just wasted my time and his for five years.
Consoling friend: Don’t have a negative attitude. Never look at a relationship like that. Every relationship, no matter how bad, adds to your life. I feel that with every relationship you always walk away with something. [Queer rolls eyes.] How about all that jewelry?!
–Kittichai Thompson Hotel
Overheard by: Never walked away with anything
(man instructing son to stay in the crosswalk)
Man: Don’t wander off into the street.
Son: Why? Why do I have to stay between the lines?
Man: Stay between the lines and you’ll be rich. You’ll be rich.
Son: What do you mean?
Man: It means you get paid if a car hits you.
–Surf Ave & Stillwell Ave
Overheard by: Amanda Haag
