White man: Excuse me, has anyone ever told you you look just like that rap guy?
Black guy: You mean Snoop Dogg?
White man: Yeah, him.
Black guy: Yeah, all the time.
White man: Are you related to him?
Black guy: Yeah, he’s a distant cousin.
White man: Really? Wow! You must get this all the time.
Black guy: Yeah, even my girlfriend says it.
White man: Well, that must be the reason she dates you. She probably wouldn’t date you if you weren’t related to him.
–1 train
Old woman: Man..Oprah done did it! Everyone loves that bitch, man. She was born barefoot in South Carolina and made it still.
Old man #1: Yeah, she’s cool.
Old woman: You know what she did? She done gave everyone who was in that hurricane Christina a five hundred dollar baby stroller! She good like that. I love that woman.
Old man #2: Did you see that book guy, what he did to her?
Old woman: Uh-uh, no, what?
Old man #2: Some guy wrote a cookbook on her show–
Old man #1: No, no, man. He wrote a book about being a junkie and being in jail and it was all bullshit. That guy Frey.
Old man #2: Oh…I thought the book was about cooking.
Old woman: Well, his name is Frey.
–Bridge Plaza Clinic, LIC
Overheard by: Willie Hellenbach
Guy #1: We goin’ uptown or downtown?
Guy #2: Nigga, we goin’ sideways.
–L train
Girl: I went to Boston this weekend. Mostly just to avoid the L train.
–Williamsburg
Guy: I can’t believe I was cockblocked by the L train.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chelsea Miller
Black guy: You would like him ’cause he looks like a gorilla, and they are from the Amazon like you.
White girl: Dummy, gorillas are from Africa; you of all people
should know that.
–Liberty between Greenwich & Washington
White girl: Since I quit, I have been blowing out the biggest boogers in the mornings.
Black guy: Boogers? I been blowin’ moons. Like the moons of Jupiter.
–1 Train
A chick been caught stealing by security. For some inexplicable reason, they let her yell at them.
Chick: This is not the United States of White-ass Bitches; this is the United States of America.
Chick: I’m owed this shirt because I’m black, bitches. I don’t owe nothin’ to you white folks. I’m owed this shirt because of slavery.
–Banana Republic, Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: helen r.
Black woman: My god. This bagel is hard as a rock!…I mean I can’t eat this shit. Can you eat this shit?
White guy: I’ll eat it.
Black woman: Ugh.
White guy: Well if you dont want to eat it, I’ll eat it. I’m hungry.
Black woman: I’m just sayin’ it’s the worst goddamn bagel I’ve ever had.
White guy: Honey, it’s from Dunkin’ Donuts. What do you expect? Domino’s ain’t good pizza and Olive Garden ain’t good Italian, either.
White chick: Dude! Next thing I know you’ll be telling her there is no Santa Claus. Go easy.
–Borough Hall 4/5 station
Overheard by: phil j
Jewish man: But I was here first! I was waiting!
Black chick: All right sir, just calm down. It doesn’t matter. Get a life.
Jewish man: Why don’t you go back to jail?
Black chick: Yeah, and why don’t you go get some viagra or something?
Jewish man: Yeah, I’d need it for you.
Black chick: Fuck you, bitch!
–Court Street Office Supplies, Brooklyn Hights
Overheard by: mrmcd
A little Asian boy sneezes without covering his mouth.
Black lady: Excuse you!
Asian mom: He’s only 3, he didn’t know any better.
Black lady: Haven’t you heard of bird flu, motherfucka!
–M96 bus
Overheard by: Chris Roberts
Girl #1: I feel like shit. I think I’ve got the Asian Bird Flu.
Girl #2: Don’t you mean Avian Bird Flu?
Girl #1: Whatever.
–56th & Broadway
Overheard by: K.M
Woman: Isn’t it here in America?
Teen boy: Naw…it’s in Japan. All these people be dying from it. Thank god Bush won’t let it in the country.
–Associated Supermarket, Astoria
Overheard by: Demy
Guy #1: Where’s DeShawn at?
Guy #2: Nigga’s probably fucking that bitch from Saturday night, that nigga is a pimp.
Guy #3: Nah dude, he’s at play practice.
–6 train
