Hipster: I went to a Polish beauty pageant last night in Brooklyn. It totally blew my brains apart.
–Williamsburg
Hipster: I went to a Polish beauty pageant last night in Brooklyn. It totally blew my brains apart.
–Williamsburg
Young man comes up to the manager of a cafe in Brooklyn sitting next to me, inquires about the “help wanted” ad outside, and during the course of an impromptu job interview says, “I just wanted to tell you that for my emotional health I can’t work too hard, and especially I can’t move my wrists that much. So how hard would I work here?”
Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!
–D Train
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
–R train
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
Girl #1: I hate how my body is cold but my face is freezing off.
Guy: You could wear a ski mask.
Girl #1: But then you look like a douche.
Girl #2: Yeah, like that guy [across the street].
Girl #1: He’s not wearing a ski mask. He’s black.
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Ricki Lagotte
Middle-aged woman: I want Gloria Steinem’s eyeballs in my fucking martini!
–East Village
Seen reading in the Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble on Union Square: a man in his mid-20s reading a book titled, Change your brain, Change your life
Woman on phone: No, my nose isn’t big by New York standards, but in Texas it’s huge.
–Midtown office
Hottie: …and then I want to tell them: less gooch, more cooch.
–DtUt, LES
Overheard by: e. glass
HS kid: My friend’s dad can blow smoke stars.
–Columbus Circle
Guy: What’s that on your finger?
Girl: It’s a ring.
Guy: I think your ring has an infection.
–South Street Seaport
