Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
–R train
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
Girl #1: I hate how my body is cold but my face is freezing off.
Guy: You could wear a ski mask.
Girl #1: But then you look like a douche.
Girl #2: Yeah, like that guy [across the street].
Girl #1: He’s not wearing a ski mask. He’s black.
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Ricki Lagotte
Middle-aged woman: I want Gloria Steinem’s eyeballs in my fucking martini!
–East Village
Seen reading in the Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble on Union Square: a man in his mid-20s reading a book titled, Change your brain, Change your life
Woman on phone: No, my nose isn’t big by New York standards, but in Texas it’s huge.
–Midtown office
Hottie: …and then I want to tell them: less gooch, more cooch.
–DtUt, LES
Overheard by: e. glass
HS kid: My friend’s dad can blow smoke stars.
–Columbus Circle
Guy: What’s that on your finger?
Girl: It’s a ring.
Guy: I think your ring has an infection.
–South Street Seaport
Guy #1: I just don't like the look of the outie. And sometimes she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she's fuckin' hot! And you're complaining when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she's not rubbing against me, she's rubbing the outie against me–big difference! And she's only doing it to creep me out, 'cause she thinks it's funny.
–6 Train
Preteen boy #1, looking at tiny Yorkie: Wow, that is the smallest thing I've ever seen.
Preteen boy #2: That's what she said.
Preteen boy #1: Yeah, that's what she didn't say about you! I mean, that's what she didn't say to me! That's what she said about you!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: real smooth.
Five-year-old boy: When I was three I saw you naked.
15-year-old brother: When I was three you weren't here.
–Pool, Red Hook
