Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!

Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!

–Lingerie Department, Macy's

Overheard by: me neither

Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.

–W Broadway & Grand

Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!

–F Train

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.

–108th & Broadway

Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.

–Empire State Building

Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!

–48th & 8th

Posted on August 13, 2014
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Customers, Girls, Guys, Harassment, Holidays, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, Sex, Shoot, Soho, Store, Street, Suits, Teens, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Then I Hope Your Knees Bend

Barefoot girl #1: What's wrong with your feet? Why are you bending them like that?
Barefoot girl #2: I'm not. I just have very high arches.
Barefoot girl #1: No, that's freaky. You look like you're wearing high heels! You have Barbie feet!
Barefoot girl #2: Well, obviously then I am the ideal of feminine beauty. I also don't have a vagina.

–Central Park

Headline by: g

Runners-Up:
· “But My Boyfriend Says He Can Work Around That.” – space coyote
· “If You Were the Ideal Of Feminine Beauty, You Wouldn’t Have a Mouth.” – LPS
· “It’s Okay. Ken’s Only Got a Bump.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Or a Soul.” – fresca
· “Perfect for Men Who Have Lumps Instead Of Penises” – ktg
· “Pre-Op Trannies Are So Hung Up on Their Looks.” – Ice Cream Scoopy Doo!

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 11, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Central Park, Gender issues, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Vagina

I Prefer to Think of It As “Orange Alert Level”

Thug #1: I got pain in my legs and arthritis in my balls.
Thug #2: Damn, you fucked, nigga!
Thug #1: That’s some category 10 pain!

–White Castle, 36th St & 8th

Overheard by: Only in category three pain

Posted on August 8, 2014
Balls, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Thugs, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Posted on August 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dreams, Girls, Guys, Kick, Library, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Race, Suits, Threats, Times Square, Train Station, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Shove it!”

Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat.

–West Village

Posted on August 5, 2014
Body Parts, Food, Health and Hygiene, Men, West Village

And now presenting: Truly Tasteless Jokes

Girl: What’s the difference between a priest and a pimple?
Guy: What?
Girl: A pimple waits until you’re 13 before coming on your face.

–Greenwich St., Financial District

Posted on August 2, 2014
Body Parts, Friends, Orgasm, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That’s why everyone’s in tight clothing

Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it”

— Manhattan