Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Posted on August 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bitch-slap, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dreams, Girls, Guys, Kick, Library, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Race, Suits, Threats, Times Square, Train Station, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Shove it!”

Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat.

–West Village

Posted on August 5, 2014
Body Parts, Food, Health and Hygiene, Men, West Village

And now presenting: Truly Tasteless Jokes

Girl: What’s the difference between a priest and a pimple?
Guy: What?
Girl: A pimple waits until you’re 13 before coming on your face.

–Greenwich St., Financial District

Posted on August 2, 2014
Body Parts, Friends, Orgasm, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That’s why everyone’s in tight clothing

Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it”

— Manhattan

Posted on July 31, 2014
Body Parts, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Idiots, Manhattan, Stupidity, Women

Those are some tambourines you have

Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs?

— Manhattan

Posted on July 30, 2014
Body Parts, Idiots, Instruments, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, One-liners, Questions, Stupidity

You Should See What I Stuck in the Drain

Girl: …And you hadda stick your damn FINGER down the toilet!

–28th bet. 3rd and Lex

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Posted on July 30, 2014
Body Parts, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners

Malice Goes to Style Court

Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.

—Style Court Audience

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Posted on July 28, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sex

Other Side Effects Include Dizziness, Upset Stomach…

Hipster: I went to a Polish beauty pageant last night in Brooklyn. It totally blew my brains apart.

–Williamsburg

Posted on July 28, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hipsters, People, Places, Topics, Williamsburg

How to succeed and make lots of money

Young man comes up to the manager of a cafe in Brooklyn sitting next to me, inquires about the “help wanted” ad outside, and during the course of an impromptu job interview says, “I just wanted to tell you that for my emotional health I can’t work too hard, and especially I can’t move my wrists that much. So how hard would I work here?”

Posted on July 24, 2014
Body Parts, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Getting Served Left and Right

Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!

–D Train

Posted on July 24, 2014
Artists, Body Parts, Comebacks, Insults, Kids, On the Subway, Race, Talking/Convos, Teens

Body Parts