Customer: I’ll take four glazed, and you pick the others.
Donut guy: So, fill up the rest with stale ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Customer: I’ll take four glazed, and you pick the others.
Donut guy: So, fill up the rest with stale ones?
–Dunkin Donuts, Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Chick #1: Man, I wish Colin would stop saying he loves me.
Chick #2: Why, you don’t love him?
Chick #1: I care about him, but I don’t love him. I only love one person.
Chick #2: Who? God?
Chick #1: No — me.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Haley
Queer: I would never want my little girl to be in Girl Scouts!
Girl: Why?
Queer: Because Girl Scouts is for lesbians.
Girl: That’s not true! I was in Girl Scouts, and I’m not a lesbian!
Queer: Yeah, but you’re fat and alone.
–Washington Sq Park
Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?
–Sheep Meadow
Girl #1: I hope if I ever go back to London, I run into that French guy I hooked up with last time.
Girl #2: Well, maybe when you go back you’ll meet a new French guy.
Girl #1: Looking specifically to meet French guys in London? I dunno, that seems like looking to buy a bra in a hardware store.
Girl #2: Yeah, but imagine you find that perfect B-cup in amongst the drills and such.
–C train
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo
Tall brunette: I wasn’t thaaaat drunk.
Shorter blonde: You fucked your roommate!
–6th b/w 1st & A
Overheard by: laughing
20-year-old: Mom, I have definitely heard these songs before.
Mother: Honey, this isn’t a new musical.
–Schoenfeld Theatre
Overheard by: Samuel M.
Hobo: Hey, lady, can ya please spare some change?
Chick: You need subway fare? I think I have a few bucks left on my metro card…
Hobo: That ain’t gonna help me, bitch. It’s booze I need! Booze!
–53rd & Lex station
Old woman: What, you want to push me out the window?
Old man: I would, but unfortunately you won’t fit.
Old woman: Bastard.
–M31 bus
