Comebacks

Eddie Izzard: We’ve explored space, but we haven’t drilled down. You all remember Journey to the Center of the Earth. Why don’t we just drill down to the center and see the…what’s it called?
Guy: Magma.
Eddie Izzard: Yeah, we’ll get a heat resistant camera and we’ll see the magma. And they’ll make a documentary–
Guy: It wouldn’t work.
Eddie Izzard: Eh?
Guy: The density would be too intense.
Eddie Izzard: No, we would take the rocks out behind us–
Guy: No, the air would be too dense. As you approach the center of
the earth, the density of the air increases.
Eddie Izzard: But what if you took the rocks out?
Guy: No, the air would still be too dense.
Eddie Izzard: Oh, well I guess you would know better than I. You must be some sort of scientist?
Guy: Actually, I’m an actor…but I took science class.

–The Village Theatre, Bleecker Street

Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I’m not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?

–Oasis coffee shop, Hunts Point

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Lady #1: Canadia is a continent!
Lady #2: No, Canadia is definitely a state.

–Subway

Overheard by: Cathi

Aging rocker: I love you, baby face.
Drunk wife, endearingly: Fuck my tits.

–R Train

Overheard by: erak

Brunette #1: They wouldn't stop making dumb blonde jokes about me!
Brunette #2: But you're not even blonde!
Brunette #1: And I'm not dumb, either!
Brunette #2: Yes, you are.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo to young man getting out of a cab: Can you spare some change? (shakes cup in front of him)
Young man: No, thanks, I've already got a cup.

–E 10th & 1st

Overheard by: Dan

Girl #1: Why should you have him? I've been single for 20 months.
Girl #2: 20 months?! I'd be ashamed!

–34th & 7th

Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Passenger #1: What's that movie with Julia Roberts where she plays the runaway bride?
Passenger #2: My Best Friend's Wedding?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: EmLo

Dude: Is this a petting zoo sort of thing?
Chick: No. It’s a dog park sort of thing.

–Union Square dog park

Overheard by: tanechka