Compare/Contrast

Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

And Why Does the Janitor Care, Anyway?

Sorority girl #1: He called me a dirty slut.
Sorority girl #2: You're not a dirty slut…you used a condom!

–Hana Market, Williamsburg

Despite Their Mutual Love Of Cardigans

20-something girl: So was he like that in real life?
20-something guy: Yeah. Everyone loved Mr Rogers. No one was like, “He's really a bitch,” like with Rachael Ray.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Quilty

Meet the SoHo Hos

Hipster girl #1: I'm so hungover, I just want to be hanging out on a roof somewhere drinking a vodka soda.
Hipster girl #2: I don't want a roof, I don't even wanna drink. I want to be laying under the covers with an ice pack on my vagina, sobbing.

–SoHo

New Yorkers Love a Game of “So You Think You Have Problems?”

Screaming child: Mommy, I want to go home!
Disgruntled employee: You think you have problems?! Try graduating from art college in the middle of a recession! Then you can cry!

–H&M Store

Chis Hansen Appreciates What Keeps Him Employed

Guy #1: There are grown men who get with, like, 12-year-old girls. It's sick.
Guy #2: It's not sick, it's awesome!

–39th & 7th

Headline by: Chris

Runners-Up:
· “Another Undercover Cop Passes the R Kelly ‘New Friend’ Test” – Bassmanbish
· “Fetal Attraction” – Jonathan
· “Henry Regrets Naming His Daughter Lolita” – Vasyl
· “In Prison, Greg Still Couldn’t Understand How the Sting Operation Worked.” – not impressed
· “Those Girls Are Considered 16 in China…” – David M
· “Welcome to Thailand” – the Sex tour operator

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Should You Really Use the Nuclear Option in a No-Cutsies Situation?

Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!

–87th & Madison

Overheard by: Carmela Machiato

The Six Train's Your Escape Pod to Smallville

Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: No, you wanna be a police officer.
Four-year-old: I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Superman's not real.
Four-year-old: They say I can be whateva I want, I wanna be Superman!
Dad: Oh, I'm sorry lil' man. You Superman.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Chris K

You Really Want to Go There, Little Miss No-Boobs?

Seven-year-old girl to her mom: I have more jewelry than you! I have more jewelry than you!
Mother: Like many things in life, this is not a competition.
Girl: Of course it's a competition!

–West Broadway & Broome Street, SoHo

Overheard by: And I thought people would be quoting me…

It'd Be Hard to Ketchup

(large Russian woman walks by and says hi)
Old Jewish guy #1: Waddya think of her? She's Russian, right?
Old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, yeah, you can tell. I don't go for that, though. She's a big broad, real chunky. She's like a big tomato.

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: makes me hungry…

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