Woman #1: What the fuck are you pushing me for? You think you own this damn train, get the fuck off of me!
Man: Miss, I was just…
Woman #1: Just fucking what? I don’t need to be feeling your ass up against my hands, nigga!
Woman #2: Honey, just…
Woman #1: Bitch, you just shut up! All you motherfuckers, stop looking this way, this doesn’t involve y’all!
Conductor over PA: Good afternoon, I hope everyone is having an enjoyable ride home…
–Downtown 4 train, pm rush hour
Overheard by: Vinnie
Crazy guy: There is something wrong with Winthrop Street. Do not get off the train there! You ever notice how they never say ‘Winthrop Street’? They say Franklin, President, Sterling, then it’s Wooothup. Never trust anybody who can’t say clearly what they mean.
Disembodied train voice: This is President Street. The next stop will be Sterling Street.
Crazy guy: You see?! President! Sterling! You do not want to get off this train at Winthrop!
–2 train
Overheard by: Got off at President
Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.
The train pulls away.
Old lady: Fuckhead.
–23rd Street F station
Conductor over loudspeaker: Oh you think you’re pretty bad by not giving up your spot.
Long pause.
Conductor over loudspeaker: Don’t go pretending that you can’t hear me now!
–N train
Overheard by: Gregorio
Conductor leaning out window of train pulling into station: Hey, nice hat! I like your hat!
Woman on platform with nice hat: Um, thank you.
Conductor: This is 72nd Street. Uptown 2 train making local stops, local stops. Next stop 79th Street. Nice hat! Niiiice hat!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Woman on platform as crowded rush hour train packs full: Is there going to be another train after this one?
Conductor, closing the doors on people: I sure hope so, stupid.
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: Queemys Mommy
Driver: I fuckin' hate that building. Ugliest fuckin' building I ever seen. It looks like a bong or a toilet or somethin'. I'd shit on that building.
Passenger, under his breath: Jesus Christ, man, just drive the car.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
[After being asked for full fare.]Ghetto woman: No, ma’am! I do not have to pay! Did you forget about Abraham Lincoln in 1856, I mean 1865? He freed the slaves! Guess you forgot!
Assistant conductor: I still need the full fare, ma’am!
Ghetto woman: No, ma’am! I still don’t see my reparations! Where’s my check?!?! Where’s my 40 acres and a mule?!?!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Laughing Whitey
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Who won?
Yankee Fan: Twins!
Conductor, on loudspeaker: Shit.
–Manhattan bound D train
Overheard by: Julie
Confused man: Does this train stop at 48th St?
Four random people, in unison: No!
Train conductor on loudspeaker: The next stop is 48th Street.
(confused man looks even more confused)
–Downtown V Train
Overheard by: jonescicles
