[Homeless man is giving directions to tourists.]Construction worker to tourists below: Don’t listen to that guy, he’s a homeless bum. He don’t know what he’s talking about, he’s crazy. Seriously, stop talking to him, he’s just a whacked out homeless guy.
Homeless man: Yeah, well… You’re homeless! Yeah, how you like that?
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: adrift midwestern hipster
Hardhat #1, feigning retching: Bleaahhhhhh!
Hardhat #2, laughing: Yeah, but truth be told, ain’t no one throw up as smooth as I do. Do you know anyone smoother?
Hardhat #1: You right, you do throw up smooth.
–Construction Site, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: Barry
Hardhat #1: Paddy, you’re Irish Catholic, right?
Hardhat #2: Yeah.
Passerby: Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene.
Hardhat #2: Shut you fuckin’ mouth! I will believe that crock of shit when you show me a marriage certificate.
–Broad St
Hardhat #1: Brown?! You think the color brown is gay?
Hardhat #2: Well, maybe… I mean, maybe not, but yellow — yellow is gay.
Hardhat #1: You’re wearing brown. I’m wearing brown.
Hardhat #2: I meant yellow. Yellow is so gay.
–Washington & Bank St
Hardhat #1: I can’t!
Hardhat #2: How come?
Hardhat #1: I gotta go home.
Hardhat #2: Why?
Hardhat #1: It’s Thursday. I get fucked on Thursday.
–13th & Ave A
Hardhat: Sir, what are you looking for?
Guy: There’s a store on this street that sells toupées for old ladies’ cunts.
–E 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Cassie
Hardhat #1 with pavement-smoothing machine: It won’t start.
Hardhat #2: I tell ya, if it’s got tits or wheels, it’s gonna give ya problems.
–75th & 3rd
Overheard by: Mo
Hardhat: Sometimes I like pissing on the sawdust floor and seeing the dust come right back up in the air.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: TVontheFritz
Black hardhat to hot chick: Will you be my screensaver?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Philip
Hardhat: This whole street smells like panties!
–43rd & 8th
Big hardhat, after bumped by lady: Yo, I’m tryin’ to be Italian over here!
–64th & 1st
Overheard by: Rich Templeton
Hardhat #1: It’s like them women who hang themselves by the titties from raven claws, you know?
Hardhat #2: No, I don’t know.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Tom
Hardhat to passerby: Does this building look crooked to you?
–Construction site, 12th & 4th
Overheard by: Random Passerby
Hardhat to another: You’re everybody’s bitch, you just haven’t accepted it yet.
–PATH escalators, World Trade Center station
Overheard by: archly
Hardhat to coworkers: I’m not a monster!
–35th & Madison
Hardhat, belching loudly: There! Whaddya think of that, ya fuckin’ A-wipe?!
–Midtown
Hardhat to circle of coworkers: So, you got the sperm over here…
–Center Blvd, Long Island City
Overheard by: Sabrina
