Construction Guys

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

Should We Set Them Up?

Construction worker #1: My boss, he's got a mustache like Hitler.
Construction worker #2: Mine's a Jew.

–Astoria

They Prefer the Term “Mole People”

Construction worker #1: Make it look nice for the homeless here!
Construction worker #2: Oh yeah!

–Broadway/Lafayette station

He Was a Blow to Morale

Construction supervisor on cell: No, I didn’t know he was gay! That’s why I got rid of him. I had to find out the hard way.

–Evergreen Diner, W 46th St

Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo

You Don’t Expect It to Rise Up Like That

Forklift operator #1: How’s it going, James?
Forklift operator #2: These boxes of matzah just ain’t cooperatin’.

–NYC Food Bank

Overheard by: Shane Hoffman

A Language Packed With Age-Appropriate Obscenities

Construction worker: Hey beautiful, you have a lovely day.
Young girl: I'm fourteen, you perv!
Construction worker: Ay, puta…
Young girl: And I speak Spanish!

–9th St & University

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

…When You Could Just Send Out a Nice Save-the-date Card.

Construction worker #1: I just don't get Facebook.
Construction worker #2: Me either. I don't get why you would need to tell anyone, “Hey! I'm scratching my balls right now.”

–Lincoln Plaza

Caution: Wednesday One-Liners at Work

Hardhat: Walk in the walkway, people! It’s much safer! Watch out for the cabs! They hurt!

–Broadway & Fulton

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chunky Mexican hardhat: I might not have a million dollars, but I got a big fat dick to put in her ass.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Hardhat: Awright, look — after lunch, I’ll get you a grinder, and then we’re having a three-way, okay?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Hardhat on cell: So, when you say you want to cheat, do you mean a one-time thing, or is this something you plan on doing again and again?

–14th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Hardhat to another: Bitch, please! I asked for a pink soda! I’m not going to drink this shit!

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Veronika LaRocque

Ladies and Gentlemen: The Only Two People in New York with Insurance

Scaffolding: [loud boom]Girl: Holy shit.
Construction worker #1: Hey, it’s OK, don’t worry.
Construction worker #2: Yeah, we have insurance!

–81st & 2nd

Overheard by: another girl about to walk under the death tr

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